


The Surgeon

by IsobelSalmon



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-04-04 19:23:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 35,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14027073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsobelSalmon/pseuds/IsobelSalmon
Summary: Catherine Parselle was a surgical intern when the outbreak happened. Traumatised by the outbreak she vows never to operate again, that is until she's brought to the Sanctuary and put to work with Dr Carson. Sensing her fears Negan works to manipulate Catherine in to accepting a better offer.





	1. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

“So tell me Simon, how are our little piggies gettin’ along?” Negan sat back in his plastic chair resisting the grimace which wanted to break out across his face. He was a man of power. Forget Kings and goddamn President. He was a real leader. And yet he sat in a fucking plastic chair like a goddam kindergarten kid? On the table that sat between himself and Simon was his prized Lucille; a polished baseball bat with barbed wire tightly wrapped around the top. He and Lucille had come along way together. He watched as Simon smiled smugly, stroking the edges of his moustache. Negan liked the moustache, he had often taunted Simon about how it had made him look like some bad seventies porn star. He had liked the man even more when he had seemed to take the banter and now took pride in the piece of facial hair. Negan himself took pride in grooming his own beard. He had long since given up shaving and liked the edge it gave his features. Salt-and-pepper with a white chin, he liked it.

 

“Rumour has it they’re going to be travelling to the Hilltop soon. I’ll stop by to make sure Greggory remembers how much he likes us. But they shouldn’t get that far, we can intercept them in the woods and surround them.”

 

“Perfect.” Standing up Negan retrieved his hidden source of whiskey, unsophisticatedly taped to a vent. Pouring himself and Simon a glass he raised it in a toast. “To our ever-expanding empire.” Before Simon could raise his glass to the toast there was a knock at the door. “What?” Negan shouted impatiently but his anger was cut short as the door opened and one of his men, Dan, pushed in a young woman. Her eyes were wide with fear, her clothes torn and dirty but that was the norm of people now. It was hard to tell the exact colour of her hair beneath its dirt but Negan was sure she was a stunning blonde, with dazzling azure eyes which right now were looking at him fearfully. Negan crossed his right leg over his left as he felt himself stir and once more leant back in his chair, grinning wolfishly at the fresh delivery. “Well what do we have here?” His voice was taunting as the girl’s eyes swept around the room taking in her surroundings. Her plaid shirt was torn and the ends were tied together, if she hadn’t been wearing a top beneath he was sure she’d be revealing an expanse of delightfully taut midriff. “What’s your name, sweetheart?”

 

“Where am I?” The young woman’s voice was surprisingly steady and Negan frowned.

 

“That ain’t how things work around here sweetheart. Now I asked you a question. What’s. Your. Name.” Negan’s fingertips flexed to Lucille and he smiled as he watched the woman’s eyes follow his fingertips, she took an involuntary step towards the door but was quickly shoved back closer. “That’s enough Dan. You can leave her with us.” As the door closed the woman’s head swivelled towards it and Negan watched her slender legs tense, only then noticing she wore a pair of shorts and walking boots. “I don’t like repeating myself sweetheart and you’ve already made me do it once.”

 

“Catherine.” The woman replied after a heartbeat of silence. 

 

“As in the firework?” Negan scoffed and Catherine’s cheeks flamed with colour as she held her head high.

 

“No. My mother was a historian; she had great admiration for the name.” Her eyes flickered nervously between Simon and Negan. Negan studied her intently, taking in the way her fingers flexed and her left foot shifted almost nervously.  _ Damn fools, _ he thought bitterly.  _ They’re getting lazy! _

 

“I’d surrender that knife if I were you. I don’t tolerate violence here, not unless its punishment for a crime.” Negan held out his hand for the weapon but the woman, Catherine, was not forthcoming in releasing it. “Do  _ not _ make me repeat myself.” Negan took the bat and hammered it upon the already dented metal tabletop. Catherine flinched and quickly reached in to her left boot, seizing the knife. Hesitantly she reached in to her right and relinguished a second. “Anymore?” Negan asked hiding his shock, he’d not expected a second.

 

“Your guards took all my other weapons.” She replied in a sullen tone. Her eyes rested on the barbed-wired baseball bat as she hesitantly reached out her knives.

 

“This ain’t for you sweetheart, trust me.” She rolled her eyes and Negan grinned. Frightened she may be but this kitten was not meek. “How old are you, Catherine?” He rolled the name on his tongue, enjoying the sound of it.

 

“ _ Another _ one?” Simon grinned lecherously at Negan and raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you ever get tired?”

 

“Not me. Stamina.” Negan winked before turning his attention back to Catherine.

 

“Twenty-seven.” She replied and Negan sucked in a mouthful of air. She looked barely old enough to be in college, let along long graduated.  _ Even better, _ he thought to himself. “Well Catherine why don’t you pull yourself up a chair and tell Simon and me here how you came to our little Sanctuary?” Negan poured a third glass of whiskey, holding it out with an inviting smile.


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

Catherine sat high in the tree atop a thick branch, holding her breath and silently praying to all the deities she could think off. She even sent a prayer to the ancient gods of the Aztecs, Egyptians, Greeks and Romans. Just in case. Beneath her she could hear the rasps and gurgles of the Walkers as they shuffled along looking for their prey. 

 

_ Idiot! _ She scolded herself. She had lot count of how long ago the apocalypse had started, but she had kept her wits and managed to survive. As soon as she allowed herself hope she had lost concentration. Several days ago she had seen what looked like an abandoned factory; but there had been several signs of life. Eagerly Catherine had tried to keep it in her sight as she made her way to it. She had survived on her own, but if there were others…

 

_ And look where that hope got you, idiot! _ She pulled herself back in to the present. _ Stuck up a tree with a herd right below. _ She could only pray that by nightfall they’d have moved on. So far none had sensed she was up there, perhaps she could wait it out?

 

“Herd!” The voice came from the distance and Catherine froze, her fingernails digging in to the bark of the tree. Were there people out there?  _ Shit! _ She thought looking down through the leaves. The herd was, thankfully, almost past her. But if there were other people around she could hardly just stay up there and let them get massacred. Pulling a knife from her waistband Catherine clamped the sheathed blade in her teeth and dropped from the branch, gripping the one below so that she dangled from the tree. Only when she was sure the coast was clear did she relinquish her grip and focus on breaking her fall. She landed in a graceful forward roll, leaping to her feet and pulling the knife from its sheathe in a single fluid motion. Gunshots rang from all around her, and Catherine ducked behind the large trunk cursing her own stupidity. 

 

A hissing noise form her right caught Catherine off-guard and she looked up just in time to see a Walker shuffling towards her. With a scream of fury she leapt up and shoved the blade of her knife into the walker’s left eye, as it fell to the ground she vomited on top of it.

 

“Sorry!” She murmured embarrassed. She had been forced to kill Walkers since the outbreak, but she had never gotten used to the feel of her blade tearing through rotted flesh, muscle, tendons and sometimes even bone. Medically these people were dead. But she still couldn’t get used to ending their…whatever this was.

 

“Over here!” Catherine screamed as a voice sounded from right behind her and a pair of rough hands shoved her to the ground.

 

“Get off me!” She tried to kick but her attacked sat on her legs, keeping her pinned in place.  _ Shit! Shit! Shit! _ Catherine fought as her knife was torn from her hand and a pair of rough hands groped her unnecessarily as their own sought to relieve her off her other weapons.  _ Shit! _

 

“Shut up,” the voice was deep but Catherine had already guessed her assailant was male from the rough hands. “Walk.” Darkness filled Catherine’s vision as something was placed over head. “Any other weapons?”

 

“No,” Catherine lied fluidly and cried out as her backpack was torn from shoulders before her hands were quickly bound with what felt like a plastic grip-tie.

 

“Then what’s this?” Her attacked seethed holding her hands behind her back as she was shoved forwards once more. Catherine cried out as her shins banged in to something solid and she was dragged up in to what she guessed was a van. “Is this a  _ scalpel _ ?”

 

“That’s mine!” Catherine shouted from beneath what she thought was a cloth bag.

 

“You said you didn’t have anymore weapons!”

 

“It isn’t a weapon,” she said aiming to play dumb. “Please give it back and let me go – where are you taking me?”

 

“You think we haven’t noticed you making your way to the Sanctuary?”  _ Sanctuary? _ Catherine thought confused but decided holding her tongue would serve her better in this instance. “We’ve had too much trouble recently just to let some freak with a scalpel wander on in. We’re taking you straight to Negan – and you better pray he likes you.” Catherine gulped and felt sweat break out on her palms but she couldn’t move them to wipe them. As the vehicle hummed in to life she sat with her back against the wall and her head hanging. She didn’t bother praying this time. There clearly wasn’t anyone listening.

 

***

 

Shoved in to a cold room with only a table and several chairs around it, Catherine stared around her fearfully. There were two other men in the room, both seated and both older. One she noticed had a tacky outdated moustache, the other she was embarrassed to find slightly attractive. A kind face beneath a salt-and-pepper beard.

 

“Well what do we have here?” The kind face was a deception, the tone of his voice was mocking. “What’s your name sweetheart?”

 

“Where am I?” Catherine asked coldly choosing to ignore the question put before her. Instantly she regretted it as she noticed the man’s hand flexing toward an evil looking baseball bat.  _ Is that barbed wire?! _ Catherine gulped and she knew her eyes betrayed her fear.

 

“That ain’t how things work around here sweetheart. Now I asked you a question. What’s. Your. Name.” As the man who had brought her in was dismissed Catherine felt her knees start to buckle. She forced herself to stand straighter and focused only on the one speaking to her.  “I don’t like repeating myself sweetheart and you’ve already made me do it once.”

 

“Catherine.” She paused before answering, determined to keep some control. Instinct told her that she could ill afford to show any signs of weakness. 

 

“As in the firework?” Catherine’s hands clenched as the man mocked her and she narrowed her blue eyes at him. Was he a moron?

 

“No. My mother was a historian; she had great admiration for the name.” Quickly she sized up the two men, the knives in her boots suddenly feeling conspicuous. If they attacked her would she have time to reach them? As if reading her thoughts the bearded man held out his hand with a knowing smile.

 

“I’d surrender that knife if I were you. I don’t tolerate violence here, not unless its punishment for a crime. Do  _ not _ make me repeat myself.” Catherine jumped as the bat was suddenly swung on the table, the deafening crash echoing through the small room. Quickly she knelt down and swiped the knives close to the heels of her feet. “Anymore?” 

 

“Your guards took all my other weapons.” Catherine just about managed to top herself from crossing her arms over her chest. She’d not been given her backpack back and she suddenly felt naked without it. Her eyes rested once more on the baseball bat and she took a step backwards.

 

“This ain’t for you sweetheart, trust me.” Catherine rolled her eyes and Negan grinned. “How old are you, Catherine?” The change in his mood was so sudden, so unnerving and completely caught Catheirne off-guard. She opened her mouth to answer but was cut-off by the second man who had so far remained silent. 

 

“ _ Another _ one? Don’t you ever get tired?”

 

“Not me. Stamina.”

 

“Twenty-seven.”  _ I need to get out of here. _ Catherine thought looking between the two men. “Well Catherine why don’t you pull yourself up a chair and tell Simon and me here how you came to our little Sanctuary?” Obeying Catherine took the end seat, furthest away from the two but at the angry look on the first man’s face she dejectedly sat on the seat to his left, opposite the second man. She gripped the glass he had given her but didn’t take a sip as the smell of alcohol wafted up to her.

 

“I – I was hiding in a tree.” She didn’t see the point in lying. 

 

“In a  _ tree _ ?” The man opposite her scoffed and he looked her up and down slowly, even going so far as to duck his head beneath the table to take in her legs. “What are you some kind of cheerleader?”

 

“A long time ago. Yes.” Catherine glared at the moustached man defiantly, unashamed of her high-school activities. She knew what people thought when they saw her. She just too more pleasure in taking advantage of their misconceptions. The first man let out a low whistle and chuckled. “Gunshots went off, once it was over a walker came at me. I killed him and next thing I know is some goon is pinning me to the ground and groping for my weapons.”

 

“Dan can be a little rough.” The bearded man nodded thoughtfully before looking at his companion. “Simon, give us some privacy.” His tone was commandful and the second man, Simon, stood up. He knocked back his own drink and smirked at Catherine.

 

“Ya know, if you don’t want her there’s plenty of us going cold.” He cackled heading towards the door.

 

“I doubt you’re left cold for long!” The man retorted. “Take care of what we spoke about. Let me know when preparations are ready.” As the door closed behind Simon, Catherine felt her muscles knot even tighter. “You must understand Catherine, I’m in quite the predicament.” The man stood up cupped Catherine’s chin in a surprisingly warm and gentle hand. “I can’t be taking in every stray off the street, I have people to protect. And you could be anyone. Hell you could even be infected.”

 

“I’m not,” Catherine replied firmly. Her instincts told her to fear this man, but she also feared what was outside these walls. She’d been on her own for so long. She was tired of running. Of tying herself to a high-up branch in a tree just so she can try and sleep.

 

“And how would I know, without inspecting you?” The man’s voice was low and gravelly, Catherine knocked his hand back and stood up.

 

“Because I would have a fever, be short of breath and depending on the stage of infection; delusional.” She could see the man eyeing her up still and she glared at him. Exasperated she tore her vest out from the waistband of her shorts and lifted it up to reveal her stomach. “Is that what you wanted?” She growled and he gave a burst of laughter.

 

“You’ve got guts, I’ll give you that.” The man smiled, his teeth dazzling white. “I might just keep you.”

 

“Gee. Thanks.” Catherine shot at him sarcastically. At the man’s gesture she sat back down and cradled the glass of whiskey. 

 

“I’m Negan,” his voice was suddenly business-like. “And this here is the Sanctuary. I took it over from the previous owner and I’ve been ruling with an iron fist ever since. You might think my ways of ruling are cruel, perhaps extreme. But the safety of everyone who lives here is my responsibility. I do not tolerate rulebreakers. I do not tolerate disobedience. And I sure as hell do not tolerate mutiny.” Negan’s hand wrapped around the baeball bat and Catherine gulped. “Now, Catherine. Tell me about yourself – what did you do before the apocalypse? Twenty-seven is a ripe age. Especially a woman with your looks, so what were you before all this shit began?”

 

“A medical student – well a first year intern,” Catherine could tell whatever answer he’d been expecting it certainly wasn’t that.

 

“Well that I sure as hell wasn’t expecting.” Negan smiled. “What were you interning as?”

 

“Surgical,” Catherine blinked back tears trying to keep her memories at bay. “I had a backpack with my medical books in them. But that guy, Dan…he took it from me. Please, I need those books…”

 

“You ain’t going to be taking any exams anytime soon.” Negan pointed out. “But…those books could be beneficial to the Sanctuary. Perhaps you as well…I’ll make sure they’re returned to you.”

 

“Thank you,” Catherine replied genuinely grateful to him. The books had provided her a source of comfort. In a world that made no sense reading up on medical procedures, something logical, had kept her from going insane.

 

“You realise I am offering you a safe haven here. But you will work. You will follow my rules.” Catherine nodded, her stomach torn between relaxing in relief and tensing in fear. She had somewhere to stay, she wouldn’t be out on her own anymore. But how safe was the Sanctuary? “I understand you were only an intern but how many surgeries had you scrubbed in on?” Catherine frowned, was Negan a doctor?

 

“A few. I – I scrubbed in on an amputation, a pacemaker implant and…a – a…an appendix removal.” Why had she mentioned the latter? Her skin broke out in a sweat and her eyes watered at the memory. She could see her sudden change concerned Negan, perhaps even frightened him.

 

“I thought you said you weren’t infected?” He accused her.

 

“I – I’m not…it’s just been a – a long apocalypse.” Catherine laughed nervously and swiped the back of her hand across her eyes to clear away the tears.

 

“Hm.” Negan studied her intently. “Let me show you around, I’ll introduce you to our Dr Carson – I’m sure he’d appreciated a new staff member, even if she is technically unqualified.” Catherine blushed and rose to her feet. “He’ll need to examine you,  _ fully _ .” Negan’s tone was warning and Catherine wrapped her arms around herself protectively. “Sweetheart I am responsible for the safety of a  _ lot _ of people. I have to be sure you’re not about to come salivating at my door. Well,” Negan paused and lingeringly looked her up and down once more. “Not for the wrong reasons anyway. Any time you feel the urge to come salivating…” He winked and Catherine blushed, looking at the floor quickly.

 

The Sanctuary was large and complex, Catherine was sure she would never get her head around it. Negan showed her the marketplace, explaining about the points system and how she would earn points by assisting Dr Carson. He showed her the shower rooms, recreational spaces and terrifyingly enough the front wall that gave them security. Walkers were lined all along it, in various states of deformity. Some were just the heads, others were torso and heads. Very few were complete, although more than not had arms which stretched out to grab their nearest victim. Catherine watched in horror as people in grey sweat pants and jumpers with initials painted on them tended this area.

 

“Don’t give me cause to be angry with you Catherine, to punish you.” It was only then Catherine realised Negan had been carrying his baseball bat around and it was now sitting on his right shoulder. She looked at it uneasily, appalled to see it had a red tinge to the top. “C’mon I’ll take you to the doc. The sooner he can examine you the sooner it’ll be over. Lucky fella, maybe I should chaperone.” Negan practically drawled and Catherine shot him a scathing look.

 

“You’ll do no such thing,” she hissed. “I understand you are the leader here and I will respect that. But I am not letting you watch me undress and be examined.” She didn’t see the point in protesting against the examination, as embarrassing as it would be she could see his point. She could easily be hiding a bite or a even a simple scratch. Besides she had seen plenty of patients in vulnerable positions. As long as this Dr Carson was really a doctor then she would be fine.

 

“You  _ are _ a feisty one.” Negan laughed and chucked her under the chin. “I’ll return for you in a while. I want to introduce you to some more people, as long as Dr Carson clears you I’ll show you to your room.” Negan knocked on a door and opened it at the voice calling from within. “Got a patient for you doc, and a potential assistant. This is Catherine.” Negan gently pushed Catherine in to the room, his hands moving lower than necessary on her back. “Says she’s a first year medical intern.”

 

“Really?” Dr Carson looked up, appearing interested. “Where did you graduate from?”

 

“Harvard Medical School, sir.” Catherine replied. “I was studying my internship at  **hospital** . My exam was almost due when the breakout happened.” She added in defence of Negan calling her unqualified. She was a doctor. She’d proven herself in surgeries countless times. Just because she had failed to receive a piece of paper meant eight years of education and almost a year of slaving away counted for nothing?!

 

“Marvellous,” Dr Carson smiled. “Thank you Negan, I can assure you she is far from underqualified. She may not have completed her internship but I am sure she will be a credit. Now, Catherine, do you mind if I examine you?”

“Yes, sir.” Catherine nodded meekly and turned to look at Negan pointedly.

 

“I’ll be back in a bit,” Negan winked suggestively, and Catherine rolled her eyes. Stepping behind a screen she undressed and looked in disdain at the cotton nightgown which had been cut open at the back with fastenings sewn on. 

 

“Erm…Dr Carson, is this…sterile?”

 

“I have all gowns boil washed and sterilised after each use. I’m sure you understand Catherine with the apocalypse medical supplies are quite short.” Catherine blushed and shrugged the gown on, stepping in to the room nervously. Her mind was soon at ease as Dr Carson spoke to her as he examined her. Not once did his eyes linger or his hands stray where they shouldn’t. Dr Carson asked her about the surgical procedures she’d been a part of and she answered him, giving more detail than she had to Negan. She did however neglect to mention her final procedure, not wishing to freeze up once more.

 

“What is your last name?”

 

“Parselle.”

 

“Well Dr Parselle I’m happy to report you’re clean. Although I’m sure you knew this already. Negan is right to be vigilant however when he takes newcomers in. This is how outbreaks can be begin, also with people falling ill. You will need to be vigilant. I hope you will accept a position assisting me? I did not train in surgery unfortunately, however I’m sure should the need arise you will be more than accomplished.” Catherine blushed at the praise and nodded enthusiastically.

 

“Thank you!” The smile that broke out across her face felt strange, her muscles almost protesting against the unfamiliar movement. How long had it been since she smiled?

 

“I may be speaking out of turn here Dr Parselle but…” Dr Carson hesitated, his eyes on the door. “Of course we never know when all this will end – or what the world would be like if it ever does. But an intern who continued to practice and gain knowledge throughout will surely be an asset. Please keep this in mind should Negan ever make any propositions.”

 

“O – Of course,” Catherine nodded although she was confused by Dr Carson’s words. At the sound of footstep she quickly dressed. She was surprised when Negan didn’t just walk in but instead knocked and waited before entering.

 

“I’m happy to report Negan that she is indeed clean. If you and Dr Parselle are both happy I would like her to begin working with me tomorrow. Thankfully we rarely have need for surgical procedures, but I will rest easier knowing that it won’t be down to me to saw another man’s leg off.” Catherine gulped when she realised he wasn’t joking. She found Negan staring at her thoughtfully as he nodded absently to Dr Carson. At his gesture Catherine followed him from the room, turning to thank Dr Carson.

  
  
  



	3. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

Negan led Catherine through a serious of dingy corridors, Lucille clipping the floor as he strode along. His mind was racing as he walked in silence. A doctor. A God _ damn _ surgeon at that. She may not have finished her internship but she was trained in the field – she was practically invaluable. She wouldn’t need his offer of points in exchange for becoming one of his wives. Besides they may need a surgeon.

 

“This, sweetheart, is your room.” Negan pushed the door open with the tip of Lucille and bowed with a flourish. It was a small room not much better than the cells for prisoners. What stood this room out from the cells was that it had been sparsely furnished with a single bed and a piece of wood stuck to the wall as a crude bookshelf. There was a small filing cabinet which had been scrounged up in place of a wardrobe and a small window covered in grime allowed some light to filter in.

 

“Thank you,” The genuine gratitude in Catherine’s voice made Negan pause. He had hoped the room would repel her, that when he put forth his proposition she would be more willing to say yes.

 

“No problem sweetheart.” Negan tilted her chin up softly, his eyes fixated on her rosebud lips. “I’ll leave you to settle in for a bit. There are some fresh clothes in the filing cabinet, you’ll need to buy your own from the marketplace if you want more. I’ll come get you for dinner, be ready at seven.” He gave her no chance to reply as he stepped out from the room and closed the door behind him.

 

A Goddamn surgeon. He should be relieved. He should be grateful. But Goddamn he was pissed. He had to find her weakness, something that she didn’t want exposed. But he would still need her to work with Dr Carson. Even he couldn’t turn down a surgeon. He had lost too many, only a few but still too many, to gangrene from infections arising from botched amputations. He couldn’t even hold Carson responsible – he wasn’t a surgeon. But Catherine. 

 

He would lull her in to a false sense of security. He would just need to work on this on. It would hardly do him any harm. It might even be good for him having to woo again, to use his actual charms. He would work on charming her first, learning all that he needed to know. And if  _ that _ didn’t work,  _ then _ he would work on manipulating her.

 

Striding to the opposite end of the compound Negan threw open the doors to where his beautiful wives awaited him. Throwing his arms open he grinned as the two nearest walked towards him, embracing him warmly.  _ Whoever thought the apocalypse was all doom? _ He thought grinning to himself. He looked to the wife on his right and smiled as he lowered his mouth down to Frankie’s. 

 

“Ladies, how would you feel about welcoming another among your ranks? A doctor, a surgeon no less?” A murmur rippled through the women and Negan instantly knew what they were thinking. A female doctor would be more sympathetic to them, a surgeon may even be able to help them rid themselves of unwanted conditions. That would be something he could dangle over Catherine. She seemed like the kind who would want to help. 

 

“What kind of surgeon?” Frankie’s voice was breathy as she stood on tippy-toe to graze Negan’s jaw with her lips.

 

“Well wouldn’t you like to know?” Negan teased scooping her up in to his arms. “I’ll be introducing you all to her later. I expect Dr Parselle to receive a warm welcome, lets make her want to join this little family of ours.” As murmurs of ‘Yes Negan” swept through the room he grinned and carried Frankie towards the back. He would need his mind clear for dinner later that evening. A little massage wouldn’t hurt him. 

  
  



	4. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

As soon as Negan shut the door behind him Catherine collapsed onto the bed, not even bothering to kick her boots off. Her eyes were growing heavy but she knew she should shower first before she even contemplated sleeping. How long had it been since her last shower? Since she last slept on an actual bed? With a groan she forced herself to stand up and rummage through the filing cabinet for clean clothes. She was embarrassed to find underwear in there and checked the sizes, shuddering when she realised Negan had somehow correctly guessed her size.

 

_ Well he is a lot older, probably been with his fair share of women. _ She shrugged and tried to push the thought of his eyes on her lips to the back of her mind. She wouldn’t deny he was attractive, but he was old. Or at least older. And there was something frightening about him, something menacing. She was grateful Negan was allowing her to stay, but she would do her best to avoid him. Somehow.

 

Picking out a pair of slacks and a plain t-shirt Catherine closed the top drawer of the filing cabinet. Curiously she checked the bottom two and as happily surprised to find a towel and wash bag with a handwritten note with  _ WELCOME _ scrawled on it. Adding the two to her clothes Catherine tried her best to recall her way to the showers. It took her several attempts, even with the directions from some people she met along the way. She tried not to think about how each person had flinched when she’d spoken to them. The look of fear in their eyes. 

 

Turning on the shower Catherine stepped out of the way as the water pelted from the shower head. She had expected a weak trickle, she was pleasantly surprised when she found it was a rush of hot water. She tried to tell herself to not dawdle; that anyone could come in at any moment, that she shouldn’t risk running all the hot water. But she didn’t care. She needed this, she craved it! To finally be clean after so long. She watched as the water she rang from her hair turned from a muddy colour to clear. Rummaging through the wash bag she found soap and quickly lathered herself up. Only when she was sure not a speck of grime or dirt remained on her did she move on to her hair.

 

The shampoo was a honey scent and tears pricked her eyes as she thought back to her days as an intern. She had shared an apartment with two others, one who had made the best honey oat cakes she had ever tasted. They were simple, but made for a great breakfast or snack stashed in a locker when on-call. What had happened to them? Had they gotten out? Had they been…

 

_ NO!  _ She thought sharply. She wouldn’t think about that day. She couldn’t. Negan and Dr Carson were counting on her being a surgeon. But she couldn’t. How could she go back to that? Bile rose in her throat and she only just made it to the sink, dripping all over the floor as she vomited acidic bile into the sink. Only when she was sure she was finished did she return to the shower. But the enjoyment was gone, and Catherine finished washing her hair, even adding a small amount of conditioner, before emerging. She dried and dressed quickly before settling about cleaning up and drying the floor.

 

There was no clock on any of the walls as she returned to her small room but already it had grown dark outside. Folding up her dirty clothes Catherine left them on top of the filing cabinet, she would wash them tomorrow. Or maybe even burn them.  _ Don’t be stupid, _ she scolded herself. No sooner had she sat down than there was a knocking on her door. Quickly Catherine jumped up and pulled it open. 

 

“Well look at you all spick and span.” Negan whistled and ran an appraising look over Catherine. “But damn sweetheart…we need to get you some finer clothes. A woman of your looks deserves something more than slacks.”

 

“N – No, these are fine. Thank you. Besides whatever I wear would only get dirty when I’m working with Dr Carson.” Catherine grimaced as she remembered the amount of bodily fluids she had encountered during her internship. Not all of them accidental. “Thank you – for the clothes.”

 

“No problem sweetheart.” She wanted to ask him to stop calling her that, to use her name.  But she didn’t need to be told this was a man you did not cross. “Just don’t get used to the freebies…unless…” He let the word hang in the air but Catherine smiled blankly at him, too frightened to take the bait. She did not want to know unless what. “Right then sweetheart, let’s get you fed. We’ll take dinner alone in my office. I want to get to know  _ all _ about you.”

 

“There isn’t much to tell.” Catherine said trying to keep her voice steady as she walked beside Negan. She couldn’t keep her eyes off the baseball bat as they walked. Did he use that on people? Was that why so many looked afraid?  _ What have I gotten in to? _ She wondered. “I was a surgical intern until the outbreak – before that I was a med student.”

 

“Were you ever a cheerleader?” Catherine looked at him bewildered. “Oh come on sweetheart, your looks alone scream high-school cheerleader.” Blushing she nodded.

 

“National champions two years in a row.” She shrugged. 

 

“Goddamn.” Negan whistled and Catherine suppressed a shudder as he looked her up and down again. “How did a cheerleader become a  _ surgeon _ ?” Catherine narrowed her eyes not even trying to hide that she was insulted. “I’m just kidding you. Where’s your sense of humour?”

 

“Gee…it’s like there’s an apocalypse.” Catherine retorted. “Tell me more about this place, the Sanctuary? You created all of this?” She asked in a desperate attempt to change the subject. She guessed playing to Negan’s ego might help, but she was wrong in this case.

 

“I’ve told you everything you need to know.” He shrugged opening the door to his office, the room Catherine had first been brought too. Setting his baseball bat at the head of the table Negan turned to Catherine, pulling the chair out to his right for her to take. Nervously Catherine sat down, trying not to noticeably wipe her sweaty palms on her slacks. “You work, you earn points. The better you perform the more points you earn. So you, sweetheart, had better be the best Goddamn surgeon.” Catherine swallowed a hard lump in her throat and looked away.

 

“Dr Carson…has he really performed an amputation?”

 

“Christ yes. Too many. And too many gone wrong. We’ve lost more than enough people to this infection – not that we don’t put those poor bastards to use.” Catherine must have looked confused because he waved outside. “I like to make sure my people are safe. We can’t keep burying our dead – what if someone doesn’t finish them off properly and we have an outbreak? And burning them stinks to high heaven. What I do may not be the nicest – but it protects us.”

 

“W – What do you do?” Catherine asked nervously not sure she wanted the answer.

 

“Later.” Negan promised her, a dark smirk crossing his lips. “But does that answer your question?” Catherine nodded, terrified what would happen if she botched an amputation or surgery. What if someone died while she was operating? Would it happen again? “Sweetheart?” Tobacco scented fingers tilted her chin up and Catherine found herself staring at Negan, but the edges of her vision were blurring and growing dark. “Shit.” 

 

Too late Catherine realised she was hyperventilating, her breath coming out in short and fast gasps. She tried to regain control, but her legs were already buckling, and she stumbled against Negan as she tried to stand up.

 

“Hold your horses sweetheart, sit back down.” Negan guided her back in to her chair and pressed her head down between her knees. “Deep breaths now, come on.” He rubbed her back encouraging her to slow her breathing. Only when Catherine was sure she was not about to freak out did she raise her head. “Okay?” She nodded and accepted a cup of water from a pitcher on the table. “What was that about?”

 

“I – I was…I – I don’t know if I could perform surgery. I lost a patient.” She was babbling she knew, but she had to explain without going in to too much detail.

 

“We all got to work Sweetheart.” Negan said as there was a knock on the door. A pretty woman in a fitted black dress, too fitted, walked in carrying a tray laden with food. “Catherine, this is Tanya my wife. She was a chef and made this beautiful dinner especially for us.” Catherine felt her shoulders sag in relief. He had a wife. She was just imagining the lingering looks. She smiled up at Tanya but the smile froze on her face at the sympathetic look from the other woman.

 

“Welcome to the Sanctuary. Negan tells us you’re a surgeon?”

 

“An intern.” Catherine quickly corrected her, “I’ve never done a procedure unsupervised.”

 

“Well you’d be doing them now if it weren’t for the outbreak.” Negan’s tone was growing impatient and Catherine felt her fingers shake as she accepted a plate from Tanya.

“Thank you,” she said.

 

“No problem. I look forward to seeing you again…we’re like family here.” Kissing Negan on the cheek Tanya smiled and closed the door behind her. Catherine stared after her lost in thought. Tanya looked to be around her own age, how had she and Negan met? She stopped herself from asking, not wanting to appear rude but mostly not wanting to encourage Negan to ask personal questions about herself.

 

“So what have you been doing since the outbreak?” Negan asked her, “Dan brought you in alone. You can’t have survived all this time by yourself?”

 

“Most of it.” Catherine shrugged, “it was easier that way. I slept in trees if the weather wasn’t too bad. I had to tie myself to make sure I wouldn’t fall out but I learnt that Walkers can’t climb. It was safer. I started off with a group but we were all separated…I don’t know if they’re still alive.” She felt a lump solidify in her throat and she quickly glugged down a glass of water. “I met up with others along the way but…” She shuddered remembering coming across one group. “I learnt not everyone out there is friendly.”  _ Or inside. _ She thought as she looked at Negan. She had gotten herself out of trouble before, she was sure she could escape if needed. “Negan…I…what if I can’t perform surgeries? Do you even have the equipment I would need? Anaesthesia?”

 

“I told you before sweetheart, we all got to work.” Finishing his food Negan pushed his plate aside. “If you don’t think you can do your job then I can assign you something else. But it won’t be as pleasant and would be a waste on your talents.” Once Catherine finished her meal he gestured for her to follow him. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, his fingertips brushing her bare skin.  _ He has a wife. He has a wife. He’s not coming on to me. _ But Catherine could feel the muscles in her arm bunching beneath his touch. 

 

Negan led her outside, the season was starting to turn and her breath came out in short puff of smoke. She was thankful he had taken her in all of a sudden. How long would she have lasted in shorts and a tank top? But clothes had been the last thing on her mind when she had fled.

 

“You wanted to see what we do with our dead?” Negan gestured to a chain link fence and Catherine frowned at the gargling noises coming from the other side. She stepped towards the fence and shrieked when she realised what was making the noise. Walkers. All in varying states of decay. Some looked relatively flesh, others had limbs missing. At the sight of a walker that was missing his lower section Catherine turned and fell to her knees as she threw up her dinner.

“Now shit baby girl.” Negan scolded her. “We ain’t made of food and Tanya worked real hard on that!”

 

“I’m sorry,” Catherine sobbed trying to clear the haunting memory which threatened to break free and consume her. Negan pulled her back to her feet, and forced her to look at the walkers.

 

“The other jobs on offer aren’t pleasant. These are still my people. They need taking care off.” Catherine’s legs begged her to run, to take on the elements rather than stay. But Negan’s fingers dug tighter in to her skin as if he knew what she thought. “Now you can turn down Dr Carson, who by the way I think is looking forward to working with you. He’s been the solitary doctor here for too long. But if you’re too chicken to do your Goddamn job well…there’s always this.”

 

“T – There’s nothing else?” Catherine’s voice came out as a pleading whisper.

“Not right now Sweetheart.” Catherine could hear the smile in Negan’s voice, but she was too frightened to turn and face him. 


	5. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

Negan deposited Catherine back at her room, a smug satisfaction settling over him. He had thought to introduce her to his wives after dinner, but he had seen her visibly relax after meeting Tanya. Let her think he had just one wife. Let her think that for now her only other option at employment was caring for walkers. She wouldn’t last five minutes. But he would have to think hard on her surgical abilities. Something had traumatised her, but he needed a surgeon. How could he get both what he wanted for himself but also the Sanctuary?

 

_ She wants real medical equipment, _ he thought heading back to his own quarters.  _ That would benefit us but it’s risky…and we’ve gotten along fine without it before. _ Perhaps that could be a cost weighed against her. She wanted her job to be easier, well others might benefit from her having the right equipment, but it would also mean others going out to risk their lives. Negan smiled at the thought. He would need her to grow some balls first though and work with Dr Carson.

 

Negan was surprised to find Simon waiting for him in his living space. Quickly the other man rose to his feet and bowed his head.

“So when’s the happy occasion?” Simon grinned lecherously.

 

“I thought to have some fun with this one first. Break her in gently. She met Tanya, thinks she’s my only wife.” Negan gestured for Simon to sit down and set Lucille on a table. “How’s our dear friend Greggory?”

 

“Cowardly, as usual. Got some more booze though.” Simon pointed to a crate on Negan’s table. “I’m sure he’s holding out more on us, but I’ll find it eventually.” Negan nodded his approval and sat in the settee opposite Simon. 

 

“I might need some of your men to do a special run.” Negan leant back and clasped his hands behind his head. “Goddamn blondie is a surgeon.” Simon whistled appreciatively. “It would benefit us all after all.”

 

“But we’ve gotten along this far…” Simon voice Negan’s thought and smiled. The two settled down to talking about business. Only when Simon had departed did Negan allow himself to dwell on thoughts of Catherine. A cheerleader. She’d be mighty damn flexible. The thoughts made him swell, the time he had spent with Frankie earlier had done little to assuage his lust, although it had given him a brief respite in his lust. He would need to introduce Catherine to his wives soon, they were already excited at the prospect of a female doctor. But he had to plant the seeds of desire first. Could he simply woo her?  _ She thinks I’m married to a single woman, _ he scoffed knowing straight away that wooing would not work. He would give her a few days to settle in, well partly. He would need to make sure she wanted another way out. That she didn’t completely settle in to her role, but that shouldn’t be too hard to manage.

 

Accidents were forever happening.

 

***

 

“Good morning Dr,” Negan was grinning ear to ear as he stepped in to the examination room. Dr Carson was taking down an inventory and smiled nervously as he greeted Negan. “I need to talk to you about our newest addition.”

 

“Dr Parselle?”

 

“The one and only.” Negan bounced Lucille on his shoulder as if emphasising his presence. “I quite like the girl doc, she’s got spunk. Now I’d hate for her to get the wrong impression of me so soon.” Dr Carson’s smile faltered and he stared blankly at Negan. Negan could see the thoughts racing in the man’s mind; what had he said? “See she’s under the impression I have a wife, singular. I’d hate for her to learn from someone else that I’m not a purely monogamy man. Not when I’d like for her to have a good impression of my wives. If you catch my drift.”

 

“O – Of course Negan…” Dr Carson trailed off and Negan leant on the examining table between them, Lucille resting beneath his hands.

 

“But?”

 

“Your wives – forgive me but, being your wife is their job. If Dr Parselle was to join their ranks…”

 

“I understand where you’re coming from doc, believe me I do. You should trust that I will always put the needs of my Saviours first.” There was a knock on the door and Negan pulled it open to reveal Catherine. “Sweetheart, I was coming to get you soon. Have you had breakfast?”

 

“I’ve not earnt any points yet,” Catherine’s smile was bright but forced and Negan could tell she was already uneasy with her new life. “Besides I was never big on breakfast.”

 

“It’s the most important meal of the day,” Dr Carson chided her.

 

“You didn’t exactly eat yesterday.” Negan lowered his head to her ear so only she could hear him. “You need to look after yourself sweetheart.” Reaching out Negan brushed a lock of hair from Catherine’s face, smiling slightly as she flinched away. What would she do it he leant down to kiss her? “Look after her Dr Carson,” Negan turned back to the doctor. “She’s going to be precious this one.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

For much of the day Catherine shadowed Dr Carson. She was surprised by the amount of injuries that came through the door, although she was thankful that they were minor. Many were cuts, there were a few burns, but the cuts Dr Carson treated as seriously as if the patient had suffered a heart attack.

 

“We need to be sure these cuts didn’t arise from contact with the walkers. An outbreak could be lethal to us all.” He explained and Catherine nodded.

 

“But even if someone came in with just a scratch you couldn’t tell it was from a walker? If you had found any scratches on me yesterday what would have happened?”

 

“You would have been put in to confinement. For a week you would be on your own in a cell – I would have checked you daily to monitor your condition and vital signs. Other than that there is no human interaction – and I would have looked before opening the door to see your state.” Catherine shuddered, she could understand the necessity of such precautions but the thought of being locked up was not pleasant. “When people come in with injuries we need to know where they work. Those who are out front with our own walkers must be put in to confinement regardless of what they say. But if the worker is from the marketplace or kitchens, and sustained their injuries there with witnesses, then we can safely allow them to leave.”  _ With witnesses? _ A loud rumble came from Catherine’s belly and she coughed in embarrassment hoping to cover the sound. Dr Carson smiled at her almost sympathetically.

“I’m fine,” Catherine shrugged. “I sort of got used to not eating regularly out there. I guess it’s just the smell.”

 

“There are other ways to work and earn points. Although as a surgeon you hold quite a valuable job.”

 

“But I’m not doing any surgeries,” Catherine smiled weakly. “And I couldn’t…you don’t have the right equipment. How could I amputate or a bypass without anaesthetic?”

 

“Alcohol does wonders and the patient generally passes out.” Dr Carson shrugs, “and how many bypasses do you think you would need to perform here?” Catherine nodded seeing his point. “Talk to Negan…he may be able to find the equipment you want. But it will be costly. The scavengers will have to risk their lives to get to and from a hospital, and many of those are in a…well…”

 

“I can imagine,” Catherine said dryly although she didn’t need to imagine hard.

 

“How’s my favourite surgeon settling in?” Negan asked swinging in to the room carrying Lucille and a brown paper bag. He tilted his head to the door and Dr Carson departed. “I bought you lunch.” Negan opened the bag out and offered her half of a sandwich. Trying not to show her nerves Catherine reached out for the sandwich, dreading what would happen if she refused and what if she didn’t. “C’mon sweetheart, you’re all skin and bones.”

 

“It’s hard to maintain an appetite with all this going on.” She bit in to the sandwich relishing the taste of ham, cheese and pickle.  _ I never want to leave, _ she thought closing her eyes and chewing slowly. As soon as she opened her eyes she knew that wasn't quite the truth. The Sanctuary reeked of cruelty, of oppression. She would have to leave sooner or later. Somehow. 

 

"So what type of surgeon were you?"

 

"I wasn't." Catherine shrugged, "I'm just an intern, even if I'd passed my exams I'd still have had to complete several years of residency. I'd not even really thought about specialising, it seemed too early." She had barely finished her sandwich before the door to the exam room was thrown open and two men entered carrying a third between them. Catherine dropped her half-eaten sandwich and jumped up to clear the exam table. "What happened?" She asked fighting as the two men set the third on the table. Her eyes were drawn to where the man's hands gripped his side. A gaping wound gushed blood and Catherine recoiled as she realised his organs were exposed. Retching she stepped backwards, bumping in to Negan’s back.

 

“You’re not afraid of a little blood are you?” His voice was almost scornful but his words were blocked out by the roaring of blood in her ears.

 

“Dr Parselle?” Dr Carson looked over the table as he handed a bottle of alcohol to the screaming man on the table. “Dr Parselle I need your assistance.”

 

“I - I can’t,” Catherine retched and stumbled from the room. Her body had broken out in a cold sweat and her feet were slippery in her boots. As she ran towards her room her feet slipped and skidded several times. She could hear shouts behind her, Negan’s voice booming down the corridor.  _ He’ll kill me, _ she thought of the barbed-wired bat and almost fell to her knees.

“Come back you stupid whore!” She recognised the voice as Simon’s, the anger in his voice fuelling her adrenaline. She practically flew down the corridor, but she was unsure of where she was or where she was going. Her room wasn’t safe. She had to leave.  _ My weapons, my scalpel...I need my scalpel. _ Thoughts whirled through her mind; images of intestines pouring from a patient, the dead rising when they had no right to rise. Catherine’s heart and lungs begged her to stop, her brain pounded in her head sending black spots across her vision. She barely registered the pain as she collided with something solid, her body grew limp and she let the darkness embrace her.  _ Please let it be over. _ She begged.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven**

Negan stood over Catherine as she crumpled to the floor, tapping Lucille against the floor.

 

“Brad is probably going to die because of her!” He shouted and Negan reached out to grab Simon’s hand as he reached for his gun. “The stupid bitch -”

 

“Is scared.” Negan growled. “But we need her Simon. We need doctors, we need  _ surgeons _ . She will be punished you have my word. I will take her to the cells now and she will stay there for a few days while I think on what to do with her. But killing her is not an option.”

 

“You just want another wife,” Simon growled shoving his gun back into its holster. “If she’s your wife she won’t be a surgeon.” Negan grinned as he scooped up Catherine, swinging her over his shoulder as if she weighed nothing. Which he realised she practically didn’t.

 

“When we took this place I gave my word I would protect the people. Come on Simon, you think I would deprive The Saviours of such a valuable resource?” Simon’s face twisted into a scowl.

 

“If Brad dies - I get time with her Negan. He’s one of  _ my _ men, a good man! He doesn’t deserve to die because of some coward whore.” Ignoring him Negan took Catherine to the cells, putting her in one of the slightly less unpleasant ones. He set her on the makeshift bed, and stood over her frowning. Was she lying about being a surgeon? But why lie about only being an intern? And why carry a scalpel and stack of surgical textbooks? Closing the door on her Negan locked it and pocketed the key, he didn’t trust Simon not to try and visit the girl before he had a chance to speak with her.

 

***

 

Negan was in his room, feet on the table and an old sports magazine propped up in front of him. He’d never really missed his job as a high school coach. Dealing with whiny brats, but every now and again he did miss the kids. Were any of them even still alive? He doubted it. Bunch of weak punk ass kids. They probably fell at the first hurdle.

 

“Come in,” he called out at a knock on the door and Simon walked in with a thunderous express. “Brad?”

 

“Dead.” He helped himself to a beer and sat opposite Negan. “I want her punished Negan. Carson said there was nothing that could have been done, Brad had already lost too much blood. But he didn’t deserve that. If she can’t do her job.”

 

“How long was it before Brad kicked it?” Negan asked taking a swig from his own beer.

 

“What does that matter?”

 

“Because I want to know,” Negan growled.

 

“I don’t know,” Simon shrugged. “By the time I got back he was already dead. Probably fifteen minutes at the most?” Negan nodded and dug in to the pockets of his jeans, holding out the key for Simon.

 

“You get fifteen minutes with her. But the usual rules apply Simon. She’s already broken - I don’t need her insane. We need her just as much as she needs us. If you false yourself on her, if you permanently maim her, I will have your guts for garters.” As Simon departed Negan turned back to his sports magazine. 

 

***

 

Negan half-knew what to expect when he left to fetch Catherine from her cell. The sight of her black-and-blue face still startled him but he managed to hide it well. Leaving the door open he sat on the bed beside her, gently reaching out to take her face in his hands.

 

“You let him do this,” Catherine pushed Negan away with a strength he was surprised to find she had. Maybe she wasn’t as broken as he thought.

 

“We have rules here sweetheart.” Opening a bottle of water Negan dampened a cloth and passed the rest to her. “One of Simon’s men died because you refused to do your job.” Catherine winced as he pressed the cloth to a cut just below her eye. Her lip was split and starting to swell, Negan resisted the urge to brush his thumb across it. To lower his mouth onto hers. “You told me you were a surgeon -”

 

“An  _ intern _ . I’ve only watched surgeries and held the clamps.”

 

“There’s more to it than that. You’re afraid. Why?” Tears filled the azure eyes but were rapidly blinked away. Negan could see the wall she built around herself, trying her best to put a protective layer between them. “Sweetheart.”

 

“Stop calling me that,” she begged him. “My name is Catherine.” 

 

“Sweetheart,” Negan replied firmly. “You can’t hide your secrets for me. You work for me now. If you want me to trust you then you need to stop trying to hide things. You can’t leave the Sanctuary - I can’t risk you leading danger to my people.” He finished cleaning her face in silence and looked down to check her hands. “Dr Carson will come down and check to make sure nothing is broken -”

 

“Nothing is broken.” Catherine’s voice was hard. “Your man knows where to hit. He knows the soft places.” 

 

“You two should learn to get along.” Negan stood up, “You left a man to die sweetheart. There are rules here; you need to work. You’ll stay here for the week.” Taking one last look at Catherine, Negan shut the door and felt his face break out in to a grin. He would come back for her at the end of the week, by then he was sure she’d be willing to take any job he gave her.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight**

Catherine curled up on the mouldy smelling makeshift bed as Negan closed the door. She hadn’t lied to him when she’d said Simon had broken no bones, although she felt as if he’d broken several. Every breath she took was ragged and brought her pain. Her body felt as if she was on fire. What was she doing to do?  _ I never should have come here, _ she thought biting back fresh tears.

 

She had woken up to see Simon staring down at her. Even in the darkness she had seen the hatred blazing in his eyes. She had expected worse than a beating, much worse, but that brought her little comfort. Letting out a sob she buried her face into a blanket, trying not to choke on the musty smell.

 

It wasn’t long before the darkness began to eat away at her sanity. She was sure she was suffocating on it. Negan had said she would be there for the week, but she had no idea how much time had passed. Only once had someone brought her food; a bowl of watery gruel. Had it been a day that had passed? Or more? Standing up Catherine rested her palms against the door, she wanted to bang on it and kick against it. To cry for someone to let her out. But she was more afraid of showing yet more weakness than she was of the darkness. 

 

_ I’m safe here, _ she told herself.  _ There’s no dead in this cell. If they broke in they couldn’t get to me. I’m safe. _ The thought didn’t last for long. If the dead broke in and killed everyone then who would let her out? She would starve to death.

 

“Oh God,” she whimpered feeling her throat tighten. “Please let me out of here. Please help me. Please. Please. Please.” The darkness enveloped her; clogging her eyes, ears, nose and throat. 

 

She rotated between sleeping, crying and silently pleading with whatever deities would listen to her. There was little else she could do. There was no light to read by, no books to even read. She was utterly alone just like before. Although now she was a prisoner. She had thought once she’d found people she’d be safe. Along with the gruel she’d been given a large bottle of water, every so often she would take sparing sips from the bottle. Too afraid to drink much. There was nowhere to relieve herself after all.

 

The door to the cell opened and Catherine blinked at the flood of neon light, holding her hand to her eyes Catherine looked at the figure in the door. Lucille was as ever tapping against the floor and Catherine rolled over to burrow back in to the mouldy blankets.

 

“How you feeling sweetheart?”

 

“Like I’ve been locked in suffocating darkness with no food.” Catherine rasped refusing to turn and look at him. “Like I was beaten to within an inch of my life but some psychotic power-hungry…” Her words trailed off as she saw a second figure standing behind Negan. For a second panic flared within her as she thought Simon was there, but she soon calmed down as she realised it was only Dr Carson.

 

“You needed to be punished. Simon was within his rights.” Negan shrugged and sat down beside Catherine. Dr Carson knelt in front of her, shining a light in to her eyes. At his request Catherine followed his pen light, wincing as he moved to examine her bruises.

 

“Nothing's broken,” she assured him. 

 

“For someone who’s been locked in the dark for a week you seem to be of sound mind.” Negan’s voice was gently mocking and Catherine scowled at him. “Tomorrow you will go back to work with Dr Carson.”

 

“No - please.” Catherine begged leaping to her feet. “I - I can’t - you - you saw what happened! Please I’ll do anything else - please!” She loathed herself as her voice grew high pitched and shaky, revealing her panic all too clearly.

 

“Dr Parselle -”

 

“I’m not a doctor,” Catherine pleaded turning to Dr Carson. “I’m an  _ intern _ . Please…” Negan held up his hand and turned to the other doctor.

 

“I’ll talk to her,” he nodded to the other man. “Is she alright?”

 

“I need to examine her properly. Bring her to the examination room -”

 

“No,  _ please _ .” Tears filled her eyes and Catherine looked away ashamed at the fear. The first waves of guilting breaking through. 

 

“I’ll bring her to my quarters. You can examine her there.” Negan helped Catherine to her feet and she was surprised to see the concern in his eyes. “Can you walk?” Weakly she nodded although her legs felt as if they had turned to jelly from the lack of use. “Dr Carson give me an hour before you come to my quarters. I need to talk to our little surgeon here. She needs to realise the consequences if she doesn’t work - if she doesn’t earn her place.”

 

“I’ll work,” Catherine whispered hoarsely. “Please just not -”

 

“Shut up.” Negan growled. He held Catherine tightly to his side and she shuddered at the close contact. Gradually her eyes adjusted to the light but she still walked with a squint, the light was still painful after so long in darkness. As she followed Negan her legs began to give out from under her and she fell to the ground, a cold sweat breaking out across her body. Dimly in the distance she heard Negan swearing. “Did no one bring you food?”

 

“Once,” she rasped. “And water - but I...I was too afraid to drink it.”

 

“For a surgeon you’re a fool.” Negan growled gathering her into his arms as he adjusted his grip on the baseball bat. Too tired, thirsty and hungry to protest Catherine burrowed her head against his chest, drawing comfort from the sound of a beating heart. “Sherry, find Tanya and get her to cook something hearty for our guest here.” Turning her head Catherine was surprised to find a sea of women all dressed in what appeared to be little more than lingerie. Fluidly one of the women began rising to her feet. She wasn’t sure if there were as many as she saw, or if her vision was doubling or even trebling. She wasn't quite sure how trustworthy her eyesight was given the uniform of the women. 

 

Catherine was surprised at the gentleness Negan showed her as he sat her up in a comfortable armchair. He placed Lucille against a wall and she tried to push the weapon to the back of her mind. Did he actually use it on people or was it just for show?

 

“I can’t eat - I’m not working. I’m not earning.” She protested weakly feeling ashamed as tears trickled down her cheeks. “Please just let me leave, I’m useless to you - I can’t be a surgeon.”

 

“Just shut up,” Negan’s voice was no longer snappy. “I have a proposition for you. But first you need to eat and shower. I want to make sure your head is clear before I talk to you.” It wasn’t long before the dark-haired woman from so long ago appeared carrying a tray. Catherine’s eyes widened, if she had thought the woman was dressed inappropriately before it was nothing in comparison to now. The tight dress had been positively conservative. The curvacious woman was dressed as if she had stepped outside of a Victoria’s Secret catalogue. She looked at Catherine once, giving her a swift look before bowing her head to Negan.

 

“I know you said hearty, but if she’s been in the cells for a week then too much food at once will just make her sick.” She set the tray with a bowl of steaming soup with thick pieces of vegetables and warm bread on Catherines lap, who tried not to stare at the cleavage at eye-level with her face. Catherine saw the woman pause as she turned to leave, as if she wanted to say something but thought better of it.

 

“Who were all those women?” Catherine asked unsure if she should eat or not. She barely had the strength to lift the spoon and was too frightened to waste anything by dropping it. “And why are they dressed like that?”

 

“My wives,” Negan pulled a chair to sit in front of her, neglecting her second question. If He said the words so simply, as if it was normal to have multiple wives. Catherine looked at him startled and felt her stomach turn over. In the back of her mind she could see where his proposition would lead.

 

“I - I -”

 

“Just eat.” Catherine obeyed but it was awkward and unnerving as he sat there watching her. His eyes refused to leave her face and she could feel her cheeks reddening. She looked down to try and block him out from view, to try and forget he wasn’t there. “If you won’t work as a surgeon then you have two options sweetheart, and trust me one of them won’t be pleasant.” Catherine swallowed the last mouthful of food and carefully stood up. She couldn’t sit that closely to him. “My wives have it easy here. They get better food, clothes - comfort. They want for nothing.”  _ Except their freedom I bet. _ Catherine thought but somehow managed to keep the words to herself. “I can put you out on the fences - you’d spend your day with the walkers. Capturing any that broke free.” Catherine turned to shoot him a look of disgust. “I look after my people sweetheart and I can’t show favouritism. Not unless your my wife.” Negan stood up and approached Catherine, one arm snaking around her waist pulling her close while the other traced an outline of a bruise on her face. “I like you sweetheart, I don’t want to see you break and lose your sanity. Become one of my wives,” he lowered his head and gently kissed her on the lips. Hating herself Catherine felt her body melt against his. 

 

How long had it been since her last kiss? Certainly before the outbreak, before the world had gone to shit. Closing her eyes she blocked out Negan and the room, allowing herself to just lose herself in the kiss. His lips were surprisingly soft and she felt her hands reach behind his neck, holding him with a tight yearning she hadn’t even been aware she’d felt. His beard scratched against her jaw, but it was a sensation she found she didn’t mind.  _ He’s just using you, _ a voice in the back of her mind protested as she found herself pushed against the wall. Negan’s desire clearly intensifying, as was her own. She shoved the voice to the back of her mind. Did it matter? She wouldn’t have to do surgery. She wouldn’t have to spend her day fighting to survive. If he was using her then she could get just as much use from him. As Negan broke the kiss Catherine raised her head for another. It felt good to just kiss, to lose herself in it. It was normal. More normal than the past however long this shit had been going on.

 

“Go shower.” Negan pushed her towards a door. “Think on my proposition. There’s two sets of clothes in there, decide on what you want to do...I’ll know what option you prefer when you come out.” Catherine closed the door to the shower room behind her, instantly his words making sense. 

 

Two sets of clothes were laid out on a clothes rail. A dirty-looking grey sweatsuit that she would swim in, and a lingerie set that resembled little more than a piece of string.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Chapter Nine**

Negan listened to the sound of running water in the next room, his desire burning through him. He wasn’t too worried about the choice she was going to make. She had kissed him back equally as hard, she was clearly trying to forget. He opened the door to Dr Carson and gestured for the man to take a seat and wait.

 

“Negan...I know you want her for a wife but -”

 

“Doc, you saw her. She freaked out at the sight of Brad and blood. If I send her back to you right now she’ll just have another breakdown, and she’ll have to keep going to the cells. Do you think that’ll do her any good?” He could see the doctor didn’t quite believe his motives. “I ain’t gonna lie to you, she is sexy as shit and I’m quite hoping she does come to my bed. But it’s not just for me. I’m sure once I get her to...open up,” Negan grinned as Carson shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “She’ll tell me what’s wrong. When I know  _ why _ she can’t do her job then we can work on fixing her. Just because she’s my wife doesn’t mean she won’t go to work for you - Tanya doesn’t have to cook for everyone but she enjoys it. And it gets her out of my way so for her she sees it as a bonus. She gets the easy life, but a break.”

 

“I know you always put The Saviours first,” Carson’s tone suggested otherwise and Negan leant forwards with a menacing look. “But I will admit I’m worried you’ll get sidetracked. She’s certainly pretty. But she will be a great help -”

 

“When she’s not a sobbing mess.” Negan pointed out. “How much good will she be to you if she’s locked in the cells because she keeps running away?” The door to the shower room opened and Negan turned his head expectantly. His smile froze on his face and he frowned in annoyance as Catherine emerged from the bathroom. 

 

He’d expected to see her in the black dress. He’d been  _ sure _ he’d won her over. The sight of her in the grey sweatsuit made his blood boil and he was filled with the primal instinct to rip the clothes from her.

 

“This isn’t my choice,” Catherine scowled at him.

 

“It is your choice sweetheart. But if you want to play the fool -”

 

“Will you shut up?” Catherine snapped and her cheeks flushed. “I meant this isn’t what I’m choosing - but the...well those...they...they didn’t fit. I thought it would be too small but erm...they’re...well they’re too big and I knew Dr Carson was coming here.” Negan’s anger at being told to shut up melted and he smiled at the woman. He would enjoy taking her out of that sweatsuit, but first he had to get rid of the good doctor.

 

“We’ll need to feed you up then.” Negan smirked, “you’re lucky I like you. I could tell you, you’re stuck in this.”

 

“Something tells me I didn’t have to worry about that,” Catherine replied dryly and laid down on a settee the doctor gestured her too. She blushed as he lifted up her shirt, exposing her belly and ribs. Negan was shocked at the dark purple of her skin from where Simon had obviously made use of his fifteen minutes. How he’d not severely hurt the woman he wasn’t sure. How was she not bleeding internally? But what shocked him most was the sight of how thin she was. He’d thought she was light each time he’d picked her up but while her stomach looked toned, her ribcage was clearly prominent.

 

“Shit girl...how much do you  _ weigh _ ?” Catherine blushed and looked at the ceiling.

 

“Surprisingly eating hasn’t been the top of my priority list.” Negan nodded but in the back of his mind he could tell there was more to it than that. He would have to keep a close eye on this one. They had enough food that others felt it was a luxury, but he and his closest knew better. They had enough to get by, but not enough to waste on someone who thought they could hide an eating disorder. She would deny it and she was much older than his high school students, but he recognised the signs well enough. He watched in fascination as Dr Carson examined her belly. “Negan,” Catherine turned to look at him her cheeks faintly red. “I know what you’re expecting and...will you please just turn away?” Surprised at the vulnerability in her voice Negan turned and looked out the window. 

 

“There’s nothing broken but Simon did give her quite a beating. Go easy on her - she’s going to be sore for a few weeks yet.” Negan nodded and turned back as Catherine sat up, pulling the sweatshirt back down and hugging herself. She looked pale and withdrawn, her hair hung in damp straggles down her back. He wished he could punish Simon for what’d he done to the woman, but after all he himself has sanctioned it.  _ She needed to be punished. He would have done worse if I’d tried to stop him. _ He knew Simon was a wildcard, that while he was Negan’s second he was also the one he had to watch himself around the most. Any sign of weakness and Simon would take him down.

 

“So this,” Negan gestured to the grey sweatsuit, “is just because the pretty lingerie wouldn’t fit?”

 

“I’m not stupid,” Catherine looked ashamed of herself. “I won’t last five minutes out there.” She looked disgusted at her own weakness, but Negan found himself admiring her for it. She knew she had flaws, she worked with them. “So...what’s the deal, being your wife?”

 

“It’s a pretty easy job.” Negan sat on the settee beside Catherine and leant back, stretching his arms across the top. “You got to admit sweetheart, I ain’t too hard on the eye.” He grinned as Catherine rolled her eyes but he could see she secretly agreed with him. “You stay with my other wives during the day. When I want you, you come to me. In my rooms you wear the uniform, outside - well there are some clothes you can pick out. Simple as that.” A shadow of doubt crossed Catherine’s eyes and Negan pulled her close. “You’re free to leave at any time,” he reassured her. “But you will have to work. And if I catch you with another man…” He made a tutting noise and shook his head. “You choose to be with me. I ain’t forcing you.”

  
  



	10. Chapter Ten

**Chapter Ten**

It wasn’t long before Catherine found herself in Negan’s arms and soon after his bed. As Negan freed her from the sweatsuit she panicked as she found herself under him. Would he expect her to take the lead? She had, had few encounters of this nature. Her mind was put at ease as she realised Negan very much liked to maintain his dominance. 

 

Panting she lay in his arms oddly sated. Sweat beaded her body and she longingly thought of having another shower but she was too exhausted to move. Beside her Negan slept soundly and she wondered if she was meant to stay with him or go elsewhere.  _ Screw it, _ she thought turning her head in to the pillow. His bed was comfortable and the sheets smelt gloriously fresh.

 

“Catherine,” her name on his lips made her turn with a start. She was surprised to see him awake and eyeing her curiously. “Why were you so afraid? When Dr Carson mentioned amputations, when Brad was brought in…” Catherine closed her eyes as she thought back to the man bleeding out on the table. “What happened?” Sitting up Catherine pulled the blanket and wrapped it around herself. 

 

“Please...I don’t want to talk about it,” she whispered. 

 

“It was the outbreak wasn’t it? Where were you?”  _ He’s not going to let it go, _ Catherine looked up at the ceiling as she tried to push the memory of that day away. “Sweetheart,” Negan pulled her back down, his arms oddly comforting as he crushed her against him. 

 

“Where were you when the outbreak started?” Catherine challenged him, if he wanted her to open up then he would have to damn well do so first. She expected him to push her away, to tell her to mind her own business. 

 

“In the hospital with someone dear to me. They died...then woke up. But they weren’t themselves…”

 

“Oh…” Catherine’s voice was small and she looked up at him slightly ashamed. “I - I’m sorry…” He could have been lying, but the fact he didn’t go in to detail, the dark look in his eyes, told her it was the truth. “I was in the hospital too.” She gently disentangled from his arms and look around. “I - I can’t tell this sober,” she whispered. “Please...I have nightmares every time I close my eyes.”

 

There was a drinks cabinet against one of the walls and Negan brought a bottle of vodka. Catherine was surprised at the amount of alcohol he seemed to have on offer at the Sanctuary, who supplied him? Gratefully she took the bottle and knocked back several mouthfuls.

 

“Hey, slow down.” Negan took the bottle from her and took a mouthful for himself. “You were in surgery weren’t you? That’s why you think you can’t do it now?” Catherine nodded slowly feeling ashamed of herself.

 

“It was a routine appendectomy. It was the first time I was being allowed to actually perform a surgery, although I had attendings and residents all around me. But...I don’t know what I did. Something went wrong and he...he died.” She shuddered at the memory, of the attendings pulling her backwards so they could try and resuscitate the man. Perhaps that was the only reason she had gotten out of the operating room alive. “They called it...we were cleaning up. There was a groan from the operating table and this guy he just...he stood up. We hadn’t had a chance to close him yet and...he just stood up. His insides they just…” Bile rose in Catherine’s throat as she remembered the man groaning and climbing to his feet. He hadn’t seemed in the least bit disturbed by his entrails falling to the floor, that he’d slipped on his own small intestine. 

 

“Shit, sweetheart...why didn’t you say something before?”

 

“When you asked what I did before, I didn’t think it would get this far.” She took another deep swig from the bottle, surprised to see it was half-gone. Embarrassed she handed it back to Negan.

 

“Well you are certainly going to be in a state tomorrow.” He arched an eyebrow but leant over Catherine to put the bottle on a bedside cabinet. “I ain’t going to lie sweetheart, we could use your skills - even if you were just an intern. But as my wife you don’t have to use them. Its your call. This is your job now...but if you choose to help out Dr Carson on the side…” She nodded.

 

“What do your wives do all day?”

 

“Whatever they want really, I leave them to it. They mostly keep to that large room together during the day, Tanya cooks so she’s out in the kitchens every so often.” Catherine’s eyes went to the door, would she really be happy just sitting in a room gossiping all day? Passing the time idly by? “Don’t think on that now,” Negan pulled her down, pinning her beneath his weight once more. “I can keep you occupied for a few days.” Lowering his lips onto hers Catherine could taste the vodka. She closed her eyes, trying to blot out the past. Trying to blot out everything. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

Sunlight streamed through a crack in the curtains, blinding Negan as he turned his face and opened his eyes. Beside him Catherine slept soundly, nestled against him. Her blonde hair was splayed against the pillow and he leant down to kiss her neck. Her skin was warm and Negan smiled a predatory grin as he smelt his own scent marking the young woman. It never got old having beautiful women at his beck and call. 

 

He contemplated waking the woman up and satisfying his morning cravings but quickly dismissed the thought. It wouldn’t be good to let her think she had power over him.  _ Treat them mean keep them keen. _ He thought to himself as he picked out a fresh pair of jeans and white shirt. He took a quick cold shower and emerged feeling more in control of his urges. He left Catherine asleep, he didn’t want her to think he was too soft but after her week she could probably do with a good sleep.

 

“G’morning ladies,” he smirked as he entered the main room which housed his multitude of wives. 

 

“Good morning Negan,” several of the women eyed him lustfully. A handful coldly, and a few with fear. It was a good mixture. “Tanya says our ranks are growing.” Sherry, one of his newest wives, arched an eyebrow as she stood up to kiss his cheek.

 

“They are indeed beautiful,” Negan returned the kiss and patted her rump firmly. “She’s quite a slender little thing too. Maybe you could pick her out something nice?”

 

“What we gave you last night was no good?”

 

“Too big apparently,” Negan sat down to his breakfast, taking a sip of coffee. “She came out the shower wearing that Goddamn sweatsuit - thought the bitch had gone crazy.” Sherry frowned and stole a slice of toast from Negan’s plate. “Tanya get Sherry her own breakfast.”

 

“Honestly Negan, I don’t think we have anything in her size.” Tanya brought out several more plates and began dishing them amongst the women. “Have you told her what to expect here?”

 

“For a while she can just expect me,” Negan leant back in his chair, grinning lazily. “I’m sure you ladies would appreciate a break.”

 

“You’re lucky we’re not the jealous type,” Sherry’s smile didn’t quite reach her eyes and Negan smirked in silent reply. He knew how each of his wives felt about him; some were repulsed by him and others himself. Others felt sorry for him thinking that this was the only way he could find a bedmate. Some felt victimised, as if he’d given them no choice when in reality no one was forced to stay with him. He couldn’t abide men who took women against their will. Yet there were a few who enjoyed his company, and while they might not be madly in love with him could see the benefits of what he offered. Sherry was one who pitied him. 

 

“Shame I can’t return the favour.” Negan’s voice came out as a low growl as he looked behind Sherry towards a pretty young blonde; Amber. He had heard whispers about her activities, and from the way she tried to avoid his gaze he could tell they were more than just rumours. 

 

“You should bring this in to her - wouldn’t want her to be the jealous type.” Tanya handed Negan a plate stepping directly in his line of sight.

 

“She won’t eat all that.”

 

“Well Sherry seems to have eaten most of yours,” Tanya shrugged. “Wait here, she can have one of my dresses. It might be a bit big on her but she can pick out what she wants to wear. She’ll know her style better, besides it’s a bit overwhelming adjusting to this.” Negan stood up and kissed the woman fondly, his free hand lingering longer than necessary on her lower back. It didn’t bother him that more than half of his wives disliked or hated him. They were a means to an end, a convenience and a symbol of power.

 

Catherine was still fast asleep; her head buried beneath a pillow and her arms thrown over the top of it. Negan set the plate and cutlery on a small table and stood over the sleeping woman. His feet twitched to kick off his boots but he fought back the movement. He wanted nothing more than to lie down beside her and watch her sleep. Already he could tell she would be one of the few he would give some form of damn about; but in return she wasn’t going to look at him with loathing. Still it wouldn’t do for him to show the slightest bit of weakness. He’d killed for less. Catherine began to stir and emerged from beneath the pillow, seeing Negan she held the blanket around herself.

 

“Surely there’s no need for modesty?” He teased holding the plate out. Catherine rolled her eyes and swiftly reached for the grubby sweatshirt which had been discarded on the floor. “How’s your head?”

 

“Surprisingly not that bad,” Catherine took the plate Negan was still holding and began tucking in to the eggs. “So what do I do all day?”

 

“Once you’re dressed I’ll take you out and introduce to my ladies.” Negan held up the black dress Tanya had given him. “A short term fix. You are  _ not _ going out dressed like that.” Catherine shrugged and accepted the dress, her mouth too full to reply. 

 

Showered and dressed Negan led Catherine out to meet his wives properly. They clustered around her, clucking in disapproval at the poor fit of the dress which emphasised how slim she was. Some of them he could see would welcome her; Frankie and Tanya among them. Several hung back, a look of wary bitterness on their faces while others dispersed with no interest in the newcomer. 

 

The meeting room was full when Negan arrived and he propped Lucille against his chair and leant forwards.

 

“Congratulations on your latest acquisition,” Simon raised his hand in a toast and Negan bowed his head in acknowledgement. 

 

“Just coaxing her out of her shell fellas, don’t worry. She’ll be with Carson again soon.” A shadow passed over Simon’s face and he scowled angrily, but Negan refrained from defending his new wife. The matter was resolved as far as he was concerned. “Now then, where are we with our lil pigs?”

 

“Rounding them up. They’ll be moving to the Hilltop in the next few days.”

 

“Then we’ll have to make sure to give them an escort. Send out your men, get them in position and ready.”

 

“Should we take out the men?”

 

“No.” Negan said sharply nipping the idea in the bud before it even had chance to bloom. “They’re resourceful - they’ve shown that. We’ll make sure they get the message but I want to try and recruit some of them. More groups are popping up - we can’t let our numbers diminish.” A few around the table nodded their heads in agreement. “Don’t worry Simon, you’ll get your time. I always look after my own.”

 

“Can’t argue with that.” Simon nodded and his face broke out in to a grin. “Maybe after this has all settled down I can pay the Hilltop a visit. Reacquaint myself with ol’ Greggory.” Negan nodded hiding his own smile, a visit to the Hilltop meant plenty of booze for the rest  of them. 

 

“Let’s get down to business then shall we?”

  
  
  
  
  



	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

Catherine watched Negan depart apprehensively. It was easier now she knew exactly where she stood with him, knew what he expected from her. These women, what did they want? She turned on the smile which had gotten her through high school, the high wattage cheerleader smile that made her cheeks ache within seconds.

 

“Aw honey, you don’t need to pretend with us. We know Negan is shit scary.” A mousy-haired woman pulled Catherine’s attention away from the door. “Tell us about yerself, Negan said you were a doctor.”

 

“Sort of,” Catherine shrugged, “I was a surgical intern. I’m barely out of med school.” She cringed inwardly as she remembered confessing to Negan about her first, and last, time in an operating theatre. She sat down on one of the settees and shook her head as someone offered a glass of clear liquid which smelt suspiciously like vodka. “It helps,” the mousy haired one said taking the glass for herself. “With this.”

 

“Oh stop it Karen,” a dark haired woman sat beside Catherine and offered her a welcome mug of coffee. “I’m Tanya.”

 

“Catherine,” Catherine replied in a lame introduction. “If you hate it...why do this?” She asked confused, “Negan said it’s your choice…”

 

“What choice did you have?” Catherine thought of the sweatshirt uniform crumpled in the other room and shuddered. “Exactly. He says we have a choice, but the second option isn’t much of one. Still...even if you weren’t fully trained any kind of medical background would have guaranteed you some comfort here. Why didn’t you just go to work with Dr Carson?”

 

“Why were you given one?”

 

“Touche,” Tanya smiled. “We all have our reasons for being here, but we all help each other.  _ Protect _ each other.” Catherine nodded feeling tendrils of fear gripping her stomach, just how deep was she in to this? “You’re fairly new to the Sanctuary, right?”

 

“About a week I think.” Catherine nodded and suppressed a shudder. Most of that time had been spent in a cell after Simon had beaten her to within an inch of her life. Would she be safe from him in here? 

 

“I’m guessing the bruise on your eye is why you’re not sure on how long?” Tanya dropped her voice and lowered her head. “You don’t have to tell me what happened, but was it Negan?”

 

“No...he hits you?” Catherine asked horrified.

 

“No, of course not - not his wives anyway. Anyone outside of his harem is fair game to punishment.”

 

“And I only just joined,” Catherine nodded. “No, it wasn’t him.” If it had been Negan she couldn’t help wondering if she’d still have joined his harem?  _ Why bother thinking about it? _ She asked herself. “Negan said I had you to thank for the dress,” she gestured to the dress and smiled weakly.

 

“Come on, let’s see if we can get you something...well I wouldn’t say better.” Tanya smiled in return and led Catherine out from the large room. 

 

“Do you get used to walking around dressed like that?” Catherine couldn’t help looking enviously at the woman’s curvaceous figure and she blushed as she found herself glancing around the room.

 

“It helps that Negan doesn’t have visitors come in here a lot. Occasionally Simon, who will leer,” Tanya warned. “And Dr Carson, barely a handful of people will come through those doors. It’s just us and we all know it’s not our first choice of outfit, which does make it easier. None of us are judging.”

 

Later that evening Catherine had dinner with the rest of the wives and listened intently to the conversation around her. With the help of Tanya she’d been able to secure a few more of the uniforms Negan expected of his wives. She currently sat in what could only be described as fifties vintage style lingerie, but Tanya had assured her she would pass. The bra still fitted poorly but she had adjusted it as best as she could, and the silk did feel nice against her skin.

 

“No doubt with a new wife someone will be going on a scouting mission.” Tanya smiled but Catherine could see she was serious. She didn’t mind too much, if she could have something that fitted properly she would welcome it! Opposite Catherine sat a blonde woman around her own age. She clasped a bottle of wine and rather than drinking out of a glass she just downed it straight from the bottle.

 

“Amber,” Tanya called out, “share will you?” She pushed her and Catherine’s empty wine glasses forward and the woman poured them as if she wasn’t seeing them. “Remember how I said Negan would punish rulebreakers?” Tanya lowered her voice and Catherine nodded. “Well we’re not exempt. Amber came here with her boyfriend but after she became a wife she couldn’t see him anymore. It’s been hard for her to let go...but if she goes back to him…”

 

“Tanya don’t,” Sherry admonished the woman. “We all know what happens - and I’m sure Catherine will learn soon enough. Look Catherine...I know you said you hadn’t finished your medical training but you were still out there. You are a doctor and you can help us.”

 

“How?” Catherine asked setting her fork down and watching Sherry apprehensively. 

 

“One of us is pregnant…”

 

“And she doesn’t want it?” Catherine said slowly looking between Sherry and Tanya. She realised all of the women in the room had fallen silent and had their eyes fixed on Catherine. So many of them looked nervous and upset it was hard to guess which one was the woman in question. “Does Negan know?”

 

“Of course not.” Sherry’s voice was waspish. “We have no choice in the matter - surely you didn’t just sleep last night?” Catherine realised in horror what she meant and how stupid she had been. It had never crossed her mind. “Don’t worry, we have supplies and we can work out when you’re less likely to conceive -”

 

“I can do that,” Catherine said. “But it isn’t guaranteed. Look I’m sorry but...I couldn’t do what you’re asking me to. I’ve never done that - I wouldn’t know  _ how _ and if it went wrong it could kill whoever needs it. And if Negan found out…” The thought made her choke and she jumped at the sound of the door opening.

 

“If Negan found out what?”  _ Of course he walks in now, _ Catherine could have cringed but she kept her face calm.

 

“It’s embarrassing,” she smiled and looked at the others. She could see they were watching her, waiting to see if she would tell the truth or carry on with her lie. “I - I’d rather not say.” Negan reached out and gripped her chin, forcing her to look at him.

 

“Catherine, you’re new here. But I’m pretty sure these lovely ladies would have filled you in on the rules; on what I expect from you. So. What don’t you want me to know?” The blush wasn’t hard to fake as Negan stared intently at Catherine and she felt her cheeks flame. She lowered her eyes and tried to pull her face back but Negan refused to slacken his grip.

 

“Last night...I just...well…it’s been a while and after everything. I think maybe I should enjoyed it maybe more than I should have...given the circumstances.” Smirking Negan leant down and kissed her softly, she could tell he was testing her and she held back slightly to give the impression she was shy.

 

“Sweetheart there is  _ nothing _ wrong in enjoying spending time with me. I prefer it that way.” Negan looked pointedly at several of the women. “Ladies I’m afraid I’m going to be away for a bit. I’ll be setting out tomorrow, I shouldn’t be gone long.” He turned to look back at Catherine and held out his hand. Beneath the table Tanya squeezed Catherine’s leg in reassurance. As she followed Negan in to his bedroom her instincts on what to do kicked in. As Negan pulled her close she pushed the leather jacket off his shoulders, pulling it and tossing it to the floor.

 

“Don’t the others get jealous?” She panted as he broke the kiss and she tried to look worried, which wasn’t hard, as she kept up the pretence. “When you get bored of me? Do I have to sit out there while you bring someone else in here?”

 

“Oh sweetheart,” Negan smiled and expertly unclipped the back of her bra with one hand. “Stop playing games.” 

 

“Negan, wait.” She rested a hand on his chest as he lowered himself on to her. “Last night, we didn’t use protection. Pills weren’t one of the things I thought to take with me when this all broke out.”

 

“You don’t need them,” Negan nipped her neck playfully and Catherine frowned. Did he really not give them a choice?

 

“I...if we’re…”

 

“You’re my  _ wife _ .”

 

“Yes but that doesn’t mean I want a child.” Catherine managed to push him away and she sat up. “You want to bring kids in to a world like  _ this _ ?” Negan let out a groan and rolled on to his back.

 

“You’re serious?” He asked rubbing his eyes. “Catherine, sweetheart. You agreed to be my wife. If you didn’t think over what that meant, well shit sweetheart that ain’t my problem. You’re more than welcome to go and work for your points.”

 

“That’s not what I meant,” Catherine felt her heart turn to ice as she thought of the chain link fence. “I just...I’m not ready to have kids. I couldn’t look after myself out there, how could I look after someone else?” Negan pulled her down beside him and wrapped his hand in to her hair.

 

“That’s the point sweetheart. You  _ don’t _ protect them,  _ I _ do.” He stroked her face gently, “shit sweetheart you’re thinking too much in to this. I’ve not gotten anyone pregnant yet - I’m not stupid. I know they know when it’s safe to come and have some fun and when it’s not. If there’s one thing I can’t tolerate it’s rape, I ain’t about to do that. But if you get pregnant I ain’t going to discard you if that’s what worries you. I love kids,” his hand stroked her belly as if he could picture a child already growing inside. “Like I said, tomorrow night I’ll be away. For now just forget all that nonsense.” Catherine wanted to refuse on principle, but his fingers had already expertly worked her up and she needed a release. She tried to work out if she was in a safe zone or not, but as Negan lowered his head all thoughts melted from her brain.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

Negan left early, Catherine was still asleep as he departed and he stared at her in the doorway clasping Lucille loosely. For a surgeon she wasn’t smart. In the main room only Tanya and Sherry were up, their conversation abruptly stopping when Negan emerged. Sherry frowned when she saw Lucille.

 

“Trouble?”

 

“Not at all. Lucille just needs some fresh air. Hopefully if all goes well we shouldn’t be gone too long.” Negan kissed them both swiftly and squeezed Sherry’s arm tightly. “Dwight will be with me.”

 

“Of course,” Sherry shrugged as if she didn’t care but Negan saw the shadow pass over her face. 

 

As he joined the convoy leading the sanctuary Negan set Lucille on the front passenger seat. He’d neglected to have a passenger, nor did he wish to be one. He enjoyed driving, it gave him time to think, especially now when the roads were so empty. As long as they didn’t pass a herd then there was never any issues with paying attention to the road ahead.

 

Parking his car Negan pulled out his walkie talkie and checked the position of his lieutenants. When all confirmed they were in place he set back, his mind for once not focused on the task ahead but the situation with his wives. He had always questioned how none of them had fallen pregnant. Not that, that was his main objective. But to think they were intentionally trying to prevent him from having a child. And now they were going to involve Catherine? Was bringing a doctor, a surgeon, in to their midst a wise decision on his behalf?

 

_ If she knows what's good for her then she won’t do anything stupid. _ He thought picking up his walkie talkie and tapping it against the car door. He would enjoy tonight. Probably more than he should.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

“Did you think about what I said?” Sherry asked sitting beside Catherine. Catherine felt her face heat up.

 

“I don’t know,” she whispered ashamed of the fear she felt. “It isn’t right - he shouldn’t….I’m not trained in that area. They never covered it in medical school - at this point I’d be no better than a back alley one.” 

 

“So you won’t help?” Tanya’s face darkened, “we thought Negan brought you here to help us -”

 

“You know he didn’t mean like that.” Catherine shot back. 

 

“He’s gone away...he won’t be back for a while. At least not until tomorrow - you have time.”

 

“No. I don’t.” Catherine insisted, “I would need time to learn what to do - and there would always be the risk of complications. Anything could go wrong! I’m sorry but...I can’t do this…” She felt a frisson of fear as both Sherry and Tanya stood up, walking away and leaving her sitting by herself. An out-of-date medical textbook clutched in her hands. If the other women hated her then she would have no one. She wasn’t foolish enough to believe Negan would be interested in her for long, who would she have when he grew tired?  _ I’ve come too far to let them bully me in to certain death. _ She told herself turning back to the book. 

 

The day gave her a glimpse of what would happen if the wives shut her out. She wasn’t completely frozen from the group, but conversation was stilted. When Tanya served dinner Catherine was given barely a quarter of a plate but she didn’t complain. She ate in silence, half-listening to the conversation around her. As it grew dark outside women began dispersing and Catherine realised she had no idea where they slept. The thought of sleeping in Negan’s room when he wasn’t there wasn’t an appealing one. No one seemed concerned that he’d not returned so she didn’t see the point in questioning it.

 

Closing the textbook Catherine slipped from the large room and into Negan’s. She found the dress Tanya had loaned her discarded under the bed and quickly shrugged into it. She was frightened that the women would try to stop her from leaving, but no one so much as glanced her way as she emerged. 

 

It took Catherine several attempts but eventually she found her way back to the room she’d originally been assigned. She was relieved to find her few belongings still there, her backpack and the few clothes she’d worn and carried. Stripping off the black dress Catherine put her old clothes on and let out a small sigh of relief.  _ I could leave, _ she thought looking around the sparse room.  _ Negan isn’t here...is anyone? _ Sitting down on the edge of the bed Catherine weighed up her options. Was she any safer here? Negan offered protection but there was a sense of danger around the Sanctuary, of constant fear. She might be safe from whatever was happening outside, but that didn’t mean she was safe.  _ I’ve gotten by fine on my own. _

 

Making a decision she changed into her shorts, shirt, boots and swung her backpack over her shoulder, her hand paused on the door handle. She had no weapons - Negan had never returned her scalpel. Knowing she couldn’t go out without something Catherine took a deep breath and steeled herself. She could probably find anything to use as a weapon, but she wanted her scalpel. She needed it. It had been with her since the beginning, she’d still been clutching it when she’d fled the hospital in her scrubs. 

 

The lights were off in Dr Carson’s office but she wasn’t surprised to find the door locked. Sighing Catherine knelt down and reached in to her backpack for her hairpins, of course Negan wouldn’t have thought to take them. She was thankful for that. As soon as she felt the satisfying  _ click _ of the locks releasing she crept into the office and stayed on the floor. Closing her eyes she tried to picture the room when she had been in there with Dr Carson. She’d been given a brief tour but nothing expansive. In the end all she could do was search through the draws and cupboards until she finally came upon one with medical instruments.

 

“Dr Carson you are looking for trouble,” Catherine whispered as she pulled open a draw to reveal the sharp objects. Did he just fear people stealing the medication that he never thought to put surgical instruments in a locked cupboard? Ridding herself of the thought Catherine set about searching for her scalpel. Luckily there were only a few in the draw and she recognised it instantly as she cupped it in her hand. She couldn’t describe how or why but it felt right, like part of her. Her right hand. Closing the draw Catherine crept back down the hallway. It was disturbingly quiet, as if many of the Saviours were absent. Where was Negan? Why hadn’t he said the previous night he would be gone?

 

Catherine was surprised to find the doors leading outside were open, but then again no one was a prisoner were they? Until she saw the walls with guards on top. She doubted they would let her just walk out.

 

“Don’t go,” Catherine jumped and bit back a yell as someone came out from the door behind her. She turned to see Sherry standing in the shadows, blending in so that no one could accuse her of trying to run away. “Look...I’m sorry if we were harsh on you but we thought you would understand. Do you really want to bring a kid up in this?”

 

“Of course not - but I don’t want to kill anyone either.” She could see from the look on Sherry’s face the woman didn’t think this would be an issue. “Why not just quit being his wife? She could say it was someone else’s?”

 

“He’s not stupid Catherine.”

 

“I’m  _ sorry _ ,” she whispered, “but I can’t do anything. I’m not that kind of doctor - I’m not even qualified! I have years of training that I’ll never complete. It would be no different to you performing it.” She turned to leave but Sherry reached out and grabbed her arm. “I can’t stay.”

 

“You can’t  _ leave _ ,” the woman whispered and her fingers tightened. “He will find you. Negan doesn’t like anyone leaving the sanctuary but when it’s one of  _ us _ ...he takes it personally. Please. I won’t lie - having someone who knows medical shit would be a lifesaver to us. You might not be able to help with...consequences. But surely you could get us supplies?”

 

“I can’t stay.” Catherine repeated trying to pull her arm free.

 

“I fled. With my husband...now I’m Negan’s and my real husband,” Sherry’s eyes darkened. “You’ll know him when you see him,” Catherine’s eyes flicked to the chain-link fence. “No...sometimes I wonder if that would have been kinder. You’ll see. Please. I won’t tell Negan you thought about leaving, but if you do…”

 

“He won’t catch me. I’ll hide.”

 

“I thought that,” Sherry smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes. “You must have seen how large the Saviours are. Negan has a whole army of minions and a convoy of cars. He can cover more ground - and this isn’t his only location. He has outposts. Catherine please...you can’t outrun him.” Catherine looked over her shoulder and towards the sentries. “He will find you - and it will be worse. Please Catherine. Trust me.”

 

_ You can run, _ a voice in the back of Catherine’s head insisted but instead she found herself following Sherry back inside. Back in the small room Catherine curled up on the bed, clutching her backpack as if it was a bear. She longed to slip outside again but Sherry’s warning was fresh in her head. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

Negan strolled through the hallways whistling while deep in thought. His face was creased in a frown despite trying to keep it relaxed. Normally he felt confident that things were falling into place and that he had complete control. But there was something about these newcomers that had him irritated. They were going to be hard work. He found several of his women up and dressed, a few still walking about in their nightdresses smiled at him but Negan was too distracted. Frankie was sitting eating a slice of toast and drinking a coffee he knew had something stronger in it. She turned to greet him but saw the state of Lucille and turned away with a grimace.

 

“Well shit Frankie, that ain’t no way to greet your man now is it?” Negan scowled at her and whacked the bloodied Lucille on the table in front of her.

 

“Really Negan?” Frankie’s voice was cool and he admired her for not showing any fear. “We eat at this table - get rid of that before the new girl sees it! You’ll scare the poor thing to death.” 

 

“She’s not up yet?” Negan looked towards the room his wives shared, it was the one room he never went in. Better to let them have some privacy. He caught something flicker over Frankie’s face and he placed his palms on the table as he bent over her. “Frankie?”

 

“She didn’t sleep with us - she must be in your room.” Frankie shrugged and Negan swiped Lucille off the table. He wasn’t surprised to find his rooms empty, the bed cold and empty.

_ She wouldn’t dare, _ he thought clutching Lucille and resisting the urge to smash her against the wall. Pausing Negan closed his eyes and tried to defuse the red mist which was threatening to take over. Maybe she had a good reason for her absence. He wouldn’t know until he found her. Calmly he followed his instinct. She didn’t know her way around the Sanctuary yet, if she hadn’t been foolish enough to flee then there was only one place she would be. Not bothering to knock her pushed open the door to her old room.

 

“Well what the fuck do we have here?” He asked taking in her appearance as she jumped from the bed. Her backpack fell to the ground as if she’d been sleeping with it. “Sweetheart I go away for one day and I come back to  _ this _ ? What kind of welcome is that?” He tapped Lucille on the hard floor and leant on her, studying Catherine intently. He followed her eyes down to the bat and smiled when she realised what coated his prized possession. “Had a bit of business to take care  of Sweetheart. I don't like to be crossed, best to nip things like that in the bud.” He could see his words had an effect and with a smile he straightened up. Lifting Lucille up he pointed the bat almost directly under Catherine’s nose. “Ever seen this stuff up close?”

 

“I’m a surgical intern,” she whispered hoarsely. “I’ve cut open cadavers...I know...please get it away from me.” Negan lowered Lucille but his eyes didn’t leave his face. “Wh - what did you do?” 

 

“Nothing to concern yourself with for now. Now tell me. What the fuck are you doing in here, dressed like _ that _ ?” He gestured to her shorts and shirt.

 

“I wasn’t sure where to sleep, it didn’t feel right sleeping in your room. I came here and my stuff was still here, I - I thought this was where I slept.” 

 

“Not here sweetheart. And you don’t wear rags like those.” He almost scooped up her dress with the tip of Lucille but thought better of it at the last moment and bent down to pick it up instead. “You stay with my ladies. They’ve got a nice room together, they look out for each other.”  _ A little too much, _ Negan said to himself but didn’t voice the thought aloud. He had not forgotten his conversation with Catherine the night before he’d left. “Come on sweetheart, back where you belong. You can help me shower.” Catherine recoiled slightly and it was only then Negan realised he was splattered some of the gore that caked Lucille. “Catherine,” Negan tilted her head up. “Your safe here. I don’t hurt my women, not without cause - and even then...I’m here to protect you. Not harm you.”

 

“Of course,” Catherine smiled but he could see a blockade forming around her as she tried to distance herself. Had someone said something to her? As they walked he noticed she was wearing her boots, odd since he had found her sleeping. Had she tried to flee? And if so what, or who, had changed her mind?  _ All I want is a peaceful life, _ he thought biting back a sigh.  _ Should have thought about that before creating a harem... _


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

As Catherine followed Negan back to his rooms her eyes kept flicking to Lucille. What had he done? She eyed the blood spatters and other pieces of gore which caked not only the bat but also Negan. Was he really expecting her to wash him? She walked in silence and was thankful Negan didn’t try and make any small talk. As they neared his rooms Sherry appeared from around a corner and dropped to her knees.

 

“Sherry! Where are you off to?”

 

“Negan,” she smiled and rose as he offered his hand. “I have an appointment with Dr Carson. I’m glad you’ve returned safely. All went well?”

 

“As well as can be expected.” Negan’s tone was dark and Catherine shuddered, the blood seeming to stand out vibrantly now. Without warning she doubled over and threw up on to the stone floor.

 

“ _ Shit _ ,” Negan swore and leapt backwards to avoid being splattered. “Sherry send someone to clear this up and get going. I want to know how it went.”

 

“Don’t you want help getting Catherine back?” The other woman asked rubbing Catherine’s back as she spoke. 

 

“No...I’ll see to her.”

 

“Negan -”

 

“Just do as you’re goddamn told!” Negan roared and Sherry retreated. Catherine braced her palms against the wall and took a deep breath, shaking Negan’s hands off when he put them on her shoulders. “Catherine -”

 

“No. I shouldn’t have come here - I didn’t  _ want _ to come here! Your thugs brought me here, I was doing fine on my own and now I can’t leave.”

 

“Is it so bad here?” Catherine whirled around her feet raising her hand to slap Negan but he was quick and caught her wrist in a vice-like grip.

 

“You locked me in a cell and let Simon beat me to within an inch of my life. You then give me an ultimatum; be your wife and sit around in lingerie all day or be outside risking being torn to pieces by zombies.”

 

“You seem to forget that I offered you a job as a doctor first.” Catherine couldn’t argue against that. “And is it really that bad sitting around in lingerie all day? You’ve barely even done it.” 

 

“Why are you covered in blood?” Catherine persisted as he tried to rest a hand on her shoulder once more.

 

“Sweetheart I protect my people. Now you may not agree with my methods, but it gets the job done and it’s  _ effective _ . I don’t need to tell you shit. I’ve given you a place to stay, clothes and food.” Catherine pulled a face, he was being generous referring to the ‘clothes’. 

 

“You said I did not have to be one of your wives - that it was my choice. Then why can I simply not leave the Saviours?” Negan pulled out a tissue and gently wiped her mouth, Catherine bluhed and took the tissue from him to finish the job herself. Behind them she could hear someone approaching and she put up no resistance as Negan led her in to his rooms.

 

“Ladies,” Negan opened his arms as if he was embracing them all. “Catherine here would like to leave us.” There was a murmur of consensus horror throughout the room and Catherine couldn’t help the bewildered expression. Negan paced around Catherine, tapping Lucille against his leg as he walked. Dried flakes of blood and brain matter crumbled to the floor and she grimaced. “She looks confused...who would like to tell her why she needs to stay?” Sharply Negan pulled Catherine’s jacket off her and tossed it to the floor. 

 

“To protect us.” The women answered.

 

“From  _ what _ ?” Catherine cried covering herself as Negan literally grabbed a fistful of her t-shirt and ripped it. “Stop that!”

 

“I lost fifty men barely a week ago.” Negan hissed, “outsiders came in and killed them. Unprovoked.  _ That _ is what I protect my people from. If you leave then you put everyone here at risk and I won’t have that.” The air had grown thick and Catherine’s throat tightened painfully. “You ain’t a prisoner here sweetheart, so don’t go lamenting. But you ain’t leaving.” Catherine glared at him, her left hand itching to reach in her boots and pull out the scalpel she had retrieved but she kept still. Glowering Negan turned and stormed into his bedroom. The fear Catherine had been holding at bay suddenly sprang from the ground, grasping her ankles and working its way up to her brain. 

 

“You need to lie down.” Red-headed Frankie tucked Catherine under her arm and gave her a reassuring hug. “You’ll get used to it, I promise.” Catherine tasted salt and she wiped her face quickly, ashamed at herself for crying. “Come on. Come lie down, we’ve had a bed made up for you.” Towards the back of the large room was another, cavernous room filled with makeshift beds. Some were pushed together while others were scattered further apart. Frankie led Catherine to a bed which was furthest back. “We put one here for you - you can move it closer, but we’ve always found it best to put the bed back away from the others for new...well…we don’t want to impose. I sleep just there.” She gestured to a bed which was close to one other. “Tanya and I sometimes bunk together, you’d be more than welcome to move closer.”

 

“Thank you,” Catherine smiled the first genuine smile in she wasn’t sure how long. She could see she wasn’t being alienated. “Frankie...about…”

 

“We were harsh on you. But I hope you can see it from our point of view, we need help.”

 

“Of course.” Catherine nodded, “but I can’t do that. I could potentially kill them or they could get an infection. Negan would...I don’t want to imagine what he would do to them, or me.” Catherine was sure she could feel her ribs twitching as she remembered the beating Simon had given her.

 

“There must be something you could do - surely you could help us prevent it?” Catherine could only shrug helplessly in reply.

 

“If you knew of someone who could get pills I can tell you which ones you would need. But if Negan found out…”

 

“Do you think he would know what they were for?”  _ Not now he couldn’t look them up, _ Catherine thought but there was still a risk. Dr Carson would surely know what the pills were for, or anyone who had taken the specific type. 

 

“It would be our best chance. If you can find someone you trust I can tell them what they need - other than that…” Frankie smiled tightly and nodded.

 

“Thank you. I won’t lie - many would prefer to know you could help them rid themselves of unwanted conditions. I know you’re frightened they’ll die...but I think for some it would be the better option.” Catherine nodded but remained silent, she was surprised when Frankie took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You will get used to this.”

 

***

 

Catherine tried her best to avoid Negan over the next several days. It didn’t appear too hard, whatever had taken him away seemed to keep him preoccupied. The time gave her the opportunity to think on what Frankie had asked. It would be hard getting people to supply pills directly to her, but to Dr Carson...she was sure he would have she needed. Taking a deep breath Catherine steeled her nerves and knocked on the door to Negan’s private lounge. His gruff voice called out in answer and she pushed the door open. She had gotten used to walking in the lingerie along with the other wives, but she had kept to the back of rooms to try and hide from people. But Negan’s lingering gaze made her self-concious and she futilely tried to cover herself.

 

“Well ain’t you a sight for sore eyes?” Negan rose from the settee where a makeshift table had been set-up with his dinner. “Sweetheart, I’ve missed you.”

 

“I - I thought you were mad,” Catherine mumbled. “After...before.”

 

“Do you still want to leave?” Negan asked and pulled her close, his fingers stroking her back.

 

“Yes. But I understand why I can’t. And well...there are benefits being your wife.” Her cheeks flushed but she mustered a smile as Negan let her step back. “But I erm...I wanted to ask something of you. If I could?” Negan sat down and leant back against the settee, throwing his left arm over the back. To his right Catherine caught sight of Lucille, propped up at an angle against the battered settee. 

 

“Well?”

 

“I - I’d like to work, for Dr Carson. Or at least try too...I erm…if I can still be a wife?”

 

“You want to do both?”

 

“Dr Carson doesn’t have any female doctors, and well I’m sure you can understand how some people might feel being seen by a male doctor? I know I’m only an intern, barely out of college. But I might be able to make the women feel more at ease, besides I don’t think what your hoping to happen is Dr Carsons speciality.”

 

“And it was yours?”

 

“No, but I’m sure you can appreciate I might understand the workings better.” Catherine smiled playfully starting to grasp, barely, how Negan worked. 

 

“And you would still want to stay as my wife?”

 

“I’ve not forgotten what happened before.” At Negan’s gesture she sat beside him. “And I feel safer in here. Tanya gets to practice her profession...and if I don’t practice mine then when this is all over what use will I be?” Negan nodded thoughtfully. 

 

“And if one of my wives should ask for you...special treatment?” Straight away Catherine knew he had worked out what had been asked of her. “Your second night with me you were suddenly concerned about conception. I’m not an idiot Sweetheart.”

 

“Of course not...and I would not do anything like that. Truly,” Catherine said. “Even if you ordered it. I could kill them, horribly, and I wouldn’t want that.” She met Negan’s gaze, refusing to break eye-contact first. “I’m not a killer.” Negan smiled and let out a small laugh.

 

“No...you’re not. You’ve somehow scraped through this without killing haven’t you?”

 

“I’m a fast runner.” Negan’s eyes lowered to her legs and Catherine blushed shifting uncomfortably. “Can I?” She asked trying to divert Negan’s wandering gaze, “it would be nice to do something other than sit around like this all day.” Negan looked at her thoughtfully and for a moment Catherine feared he would say no.

 

“Let me think about it.” Catherine nodded and stood up, but a warm hand grasped her wrist and pulled her back down. “You’ve avoided me for days, don’t I even get a kiss?”


	17. Chapter 17

 

**Chapter Seventeen**

Negan stared at Catherine’s back as she slept, her face was screwed up lightly and he could see it was not a peaceful sleep. Whether intentionally or subconsciously she had scooched to the end of the bed, putting as much distance between them as humanly possible without sleeping on the floor. Turning onto his back Negan stared up at the ceiling. He had perhaps been a bit more vigorous than usual, but the events from the past few days were fresh on his mind. He didn’t enjoy what he did, but it was a necessity. There was no other way to survive in this world.

 

Closing his eyes Negan willed himself to fall asleep, but the image of the battered man’s skull popped in to his mind. He could hear the screaming woman at his side, the pleas of his friend. He didn’t enjoy it. Not completely. The sense of power he enjoyed. The killing...more than he probably should, but only a little. But he hadn’t been dehumanised completely.

 

Pushing himself from the bed Negan padded over to the drinks cabinet and pulled out a half-empty bottle of whiskey. Perching on the edge of the bed he took a deep swig from the bottle, shaking his head at the hit of fire in his belly. Behind him, he could feel Catherine stirring and beginning to wake up. 

 

“Three days.” Negan said hoarsely after another swig from the bottle. “You can work with Carson for three days, and my wives you can examine in here.” He waited for Catherine to speak but when he turned to look at her she was already fast asleep.

 

***

 

Negan feigned sleep as Catherine woke several times throughout the night. He could feel her eyes watching him, he could almost hear the thoughts turning through her head. When he could feign sleep no longer he showered and dressed, pausing only to pick up Lucille as he departed.

 

He was relieved to find that none of his wives were up yet and he went in search of breakfast in the main canteen area. The smell of bacon, eggs and slightly burnt toast greeted his nostrils and he strode past the queue of people smiling smugly as they all dropped to their knees. He sometimes liked how his wives would occasionally question him, show a flare of defiance. But the overall obedience from the Saviours he relished. Wordlessly he took a plate heaped with food and sat at a table towards the front of the room where he could overlook everyone. 

 

His eyes followed Simon as the other man strode into the room with a touch too much swagger. As their eyes met Negan nodded for his second to join him, mopping up some bacon grease with a slice of toast as Simon joined him. 

 

“How are preparations going?”

 

“Good. I’ll be going to the Hillside for a collection today, we’ll stop by our new friends. Make ourselves acquainted.” Negan nodded his approval. “Anything you want in particular?”

 

“The usual.” Negan shrugged, “you know how my ladies like to have a drink.” Simon grinned lecherously and Negan sat back observing the people in the large room. “Make it clear I’m expecting a good turn out for when I come to collect in a few days time. Anything less than satisfactory and...well. Maybe we should bring their redneck with us, just to make things clear.”

 

Finishing his breakfast Negan stood up and was pleased when everyone else stopped what they were doing and knelt on the floor. Walking to the door Negan turned and surveyed the bowed heads, smiling inwardly.

 

“Who are you?” He called out.

 

“NEGAN!” The roar echoed throughout the cavernous room and he turned grinning. He didn’t enjoy the killing, but he enjoyed what the killing  _ gave _ him.


	18. Chapter 18

** Chapter Eighteen **

Just as Negan had done, Catherine feigned sleep until he rose in the morning. She had wanted to rise before him but part of her was frightened that if she did he would try to instigate sex. She had never minded it before, it was hardly a chore and after all that had gone on before even she had to admit it was a good release. It was clear something was on Negan’s mind and not anything good. For the first time she had wanted to ask him to stop, he was being rougher than normal, but common sense had made her bite down on her tongue.

 

No one was in the main room and so Catherine crept into the wives’ shared sleeping accommodation. She could see Frankie and Tanya were sitting with their beds close together and she hesitantly paused unsure if she should walk up to them or not. Frankie caught her eye and motioned her over, scooching so that Catherine could sit down.

 

“He said I can work for Dr Carson,” Catherine murmured looking at her knees. She wasn’t sure why she was afraid of being overhead. There was nothing wrong with what she said, Negan himself had given her permission only a few hours ago. “The best I can do is the morning after pill...other methods would be too risky.”

 

“How are you going to get them?” Frankie murmured and looked over her shoulder nervously as a woman on the next bed began to stir.

 

“I’ll try and search Dr Carson’s office, I’m sure there must be some here. Otherwise he must have people going out for medical supplies...I’ll say I need to join them.” It would be difficult, especially as she knew Negan would be expecting her to flee. And who was to say the opportunity wouldn’t be there if he did let her join a supply run? “It’s the best I can do.”

 

“Thank you,” Frankie whispered. Catherine nodded and stood up, as she slipped from the wives’ room she paused in the doorway seeing Negan walking in. He flashed her the familiar white grin, full of his usual cockiness and swagger.

 

“Morning Negan,” Catherine murmured bowing her head.

 

“Sweetheart,” Negan kissed her gently. “I assume you’ll want to start working with Carson right away?”

 

“Can I?” Catherine blushed at the eager tone in her voice.

 

“Yes. Dr Carson is no surgeon but the more you learn the better off we’ll be.” Catherine looked away feeling a spark of guilt. She was medically trained, she should be doing more to help those in the Sanctuary. “What’s wrong?”

 

“All those years in med school...just wasted.” Catherine sighed, “do you think life will ever go back to normal? And what if it does...what then?”

 

“Do you really think things will go back to before?” Negan pulled Catherine away from the door to the wives’ room and sat her on a chaise lounge. _If they did what would happen to you?_ Catherine wanted to ask, how would people like him live? Would they be punished? Or would whatever crimes people committed be forgiven? The questions made Catherine’s head spin and she shook her head trying to empty the thoughts from her mind. “You can still be a surgeon sweetheart. They had them back in medieval times,” Catherine winced at the thought but smiled wryly when she saw Negan was grinning.

 

“Are there any hospitals nearby?” Catherine asked an idea forming gradually in the back of her mind. “They’d have textbooks..and colleges...maybe even a teaching hospital!” She allowed her voice to grow eager hoping that Negan would believe her excitement. “If we could get as many books as possible -”

 

“Sweetheart c’mon,” Negan pinched her cheeks as if she was a child. “It’s too risky to go raiding hospitals for _books_.”

 

“Well...what if we got other stuff from them? Hospitals had canteens, medical supplies - dressings and the equipment we’d need for surgery.” She moved so she was sitting on her knees and grabbed Negan’s arms, the idea of searching only for medication was being overshadowed. “Negan what if we could make an actual operating theatre? If we could get the equipment from a hospital? Dr Carson wouldn’t have to perform medieval amputations - he could have the proper equipment!” Negan shook his head but was grinning despite the gesture.

 

“Get dressed - you’ll find some clothes in the wives’ room. We’ll talk to Dr Carson but I can’t see him finding this idea working.”

 

***

 

Catherine sat opposite Dr Carson in his office, Negan beside her looking thoughtful as she explained her idea to the doctor.

 

“I know it’s risky - and it would mean finding somewhere in the Sanctuary to accommodate this but think of the benefits for everyone!”

 

“She’s eager doc,” Negan smirked.

 

“Ultimately the call would be yours Negan. Could you spare scavengers to go out? And the vehicles...we’d need large ones if we were to bring back the equipment needed for surgery.”

 

“Let’s find a place first. We can collect the materials and put them in one place, then we’ll source a vehicle to pick the heavier stuff up. Shit while we’re at it might as well see if there’s an ambulance or two,” Negan winked at Catherine. “I’ll see what I can arrange.” Standing up Negan nodded towards Catherine, “three days a week she’ll work with you. I trust you don’t object?”

 

“Of course not, I’m always happy for the help.” Dr Carson waited a few moments until he was sure Negan was out of earshot before facing Catherine. “Are you really up for this?”

 

“I - I’m sorry about what happened before,” Catherine said twisting her hands nervously in her lap. She wondered if she should admit why she had been so terrified, but she had told Negan and didn’t wish to repeat it. “I want to be a surgeon...I’m never going to officially qualify as one but...I need to do something.” Carson nodded and gestured for her to follow him.

 

Together why walked in silence to one of the examination rooms, Catherine’s nose twitched at the rancid smell of filth but she bit her tongue from speaking. On the table sat a dirty figure with greasy hair hiding his face.

 

“Daryl this is Catherine,” Dr Carson shone a light in the man’s eyes. “She’s going to take your vitals for me. Catherine, I’ll be just next door if you need anything.” _You’re trusting me with patients alone?_ She wanted to ask him but kept quiet, was he testing her? Picking up a stethoscope she slipped it on, wincing at the tightness in her ear. She noticed the man wore a sweatsuit similar to the one Negan had presented her with and she shuddered.

 

“The sight of me repulse you?” The man growled.

 

“N - No of course not,” Catherine stammered. “I - I’m sorry I just…” She trailed off, she didn’t need to explain anything to him. Just take his vitals like she’d been instructed.

 

“You ain’t a doctor,” the man growled and snatched his arm from her grip as Catherine rolled back his sleeve.

 

“Actually I am - a surgeon,” she snapped glaring at him.

 

“You shouldn’t be talking to him,” a voice behind her snapped and Catherine turned to see a badly disfigured face glaring at the man she examined. “Does Negan know you’re not with the other wives?”

 

“ _Wives_?” Daryl sneered and Catherine blushed. “Your his wife?”

 

“One of them,” Catherine’s voice was firm and her eyes cold as she glared at Daryl. “Given the state you’re in I don’t think you’re one to judge someone else’s position. And of course Negan knows I’m here,” she turned to glare at the newcomer. She recognised him as one of Negan’s closest, but she couldn’t quite put a name to his face. “I’m working alongside Dr Carson. Can I help you?”

 

“I’m here to bring him back to his cell.”

 

“Well I’ve not finished examining him yet. Wait outside - I don’t need an audience.” Catherine tried to make her voice sound authoritative, she hated being watched and she was sure she would miss something vital if she didn’t concentrate. “Dr Carson knows I’m here - he asked me to perform the examination.” The man hesitated in the doorway, “if you’d like me to lose concentration then by all means please stay there. I’d be happy to make sure I wasn’t the one blamed for a mistake.”

 

“Don’t talk to him.” The man warned before departing, he left the door open a crack and Catherine rolled her eyes.

 

“You’re married to that psycho?”

 

“There wasn’t exactly a ceremony,” Catherine sighed and gestured for Daryl to be quiet so she could listen for his pulse. As she took his blood pressure she wasn’t surprised to see it was high, who wouldn’t have high blood pressure these days? But the fact he hadn’t suffered a heart attack seemed short of a miracle. “Your blood pressure…”

 

“What of it?”

 

“It’s higher than it should be - even in the current circumstances. Are you on any medication?” She blushed at the glare he gave her. “I don’t suppose you’d be earning enough points for whatever we have...or what the points are.”

 

“Points?” Catherine stared at the sweatsuit, she had assumed he was a worker but she began to doubt that.

 

“Why are you here?” She asked quietly taking a step back from the table and rummaging through the cupboards.

 

“Your husband murdered two of my friends.” Catherine’s hands froze, she remembered how Negan had returned with the blood drenched bat. When she turned to look at Darryl he was holding two polaroids. “Your friend out there gave me these - make sure I don’t forget it was my fault one of them.” Catherine only glanced at the polaroids, but that was all she needed to make her knees give out. The brain matter on Lucille suddenly explained. “Try not to think of that when he next fucks you.” Daryl sneered and something inside Catherine snapped. Before she could reply Dr Carson walked in followed by the second man.

 

“He has high blood pressure.” Catherine managed to choke out. “Other vitals appear normal.” Dr Carson began asking her questions about medication, Catherine fought through the roaring in her ears to try and remember the right answers. “I tried to find some medication but you don’t seem to have anything for blood pressure - or anything really.”

 

“Daryl here isn’t entitled to medication just yet,” Dr Carson shrugged.

 

“And I won’t be,” Daryl snapped. “I ain’t bending for that psycho.”

 

“Dwight perhaps you should take him back.” Dr Carson closed the door behind Daryl and Dwight before turning back to Catherine. “He told you what happened?”

 

“Something like that,” Catherine murmured and waved her hand before Dr Carson could say anything else. She didn’t want to hear anything. She didn’t want to think about those gruesome photos. She couldn’t even bring herself to try and lie to herself, to say that Negan must have done it in defence. She knew he had killed those men in cold blood.

 

The day passed surprisingly quickly and all too soon Negan returned to Dr Carson’s office. Swinging an arm around Catherine’s shoulders he pulled her close and kissed her deeply.

 

“Enjoyed your day?”

 

“She did well, she shows promise. I think if we did manage to get some proper equipment she would be a great asset to the Sanctuary. You should be proud - your taste in women is impeccable as always.” Catherine tried not to visibly bristle, she knew Dr Carson was merely praising Negan from outright fear but she couldn’t stand the man taking credit for something that had nothing to do with him. He hadn’t trained her medically.

 

“Glad to hear it doc. The two of you will go out with some of the scavengers next week - there’s a hospital a few miles out we think. Some men will go there beforehand and scout the place out, make sure it’s not too dangerous. You two will find what we need equipment wise and get it moved to one place, bring back any smaller supplies you can fill the van with.” Catherine had almost forgotten her original idea of finding supplies for the wives and nodded with what she hoped was a grateful expression. “Tanya’s fixed us a tasty stew for dinner. I don’t know about you sweetheart but I am starving.”

 

Catherine followed Negan but as he tried to embrace her once more she pushed him away.

 

“Did you beat two men to death? Is that why you were gone that night?” She whispered hoarsely. She saw something flicker in Negan’s dark eyes and she took a step back in fear. Her eyes resting on Lucille who was clutched as always in his hand. Ready to strike? What would it take for him to strike her with it? A lot? Or would he do it on a whim?

 

“Sweetheart, what I get up to is none of your concern. Just remember I do, what I do to protect you. To protect all of you.” Catherine shook her head, a small squeak escaping her lips as Negan held her by the throat. His grip didn’t hurt, but the threat was there. “Now I want you to answer me this honestly. Are you thinking you can go out with my scavengers to escape? Don’t think I’ve forgotten where I found you on my return.”

 

“No.” Catherine answered honestly, “I promise - all I want is medical supplies.” The thought of escaping was only now crossing her mind. But she wasn’t foolish enough to plan it. It would be too easy for Negan to suspect her. And truthfully she was frightened. What if she did escape and he found her? Would she end up like the figures in the polaroid? “Good girl,” Negan leant down and kissed her, gently shepherding her backwards so that her back rested against the wall. “I would hate to have to punish you again.”

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

Catherine fell into the routing of working Dr Carson and mentally making notes of which medication she needed to collect. Not only for the wives but for others she could see were in bad need of their meds. Sitting in the main room with Tanya and Frankie playing a game of cards. Her mind was clearly elsewhere, she couldn’t tell if they were playing poker or blackjack half the term. Tanya and Frankie passed a bottle of vodka back and forth, taking deep glugs between them. Catherine had noted how many wives relied on alcohol to make the days go by faster and she was dreading the day she too turned to the bottle.

The door to the room opened and Catherine glanced up to see Negan walking in, she was shocked to see a young teenager following him with a bandage over one eye.

“Ladies, don’t mind the kid.” Catherine heard him mutter to the boy beside him about “titties” and instinctively moved her arms to try and cover herself. I mind greatly, she thought hotly but she could see the boy wasn’t leering. Poor thing looked terrified. And who wouldn’t be? Catherine couldn’t help staring at the boy and the bandage over his eye. Her fingers itched as the surgeon within yearned to exam his eye and try to help. “Can I talk to you for a moment, dear wife?” All of the women looked up to see who Negan was addressing and Catherine could feel each of them breathe a sigh of relief as they followed his eyes to Sherry.

“When do you go out for medicines?” Tanya asked as Negan led the boy away and conversation in the room resumed.

“The day after tomorrow.” Catherine was more excited than she should be at the thought of the journey. To be able to leave the Sanctuary! It would take every ounce of willpower to try and not make a run for it. But even if she did, would it matter? She was quickly learning that in the Sanctuary it was purely survival of the fittest.

“How do you know you’ll be able to get what you need?”

“What are the chances any of the people coming along will know what the actual drugs are for? Other than aspirin and paracetamol I’m sure they won’t know what most things are for.” Catherine shrugged looking up from her cards. She set them down face-up and shook her head. “I’m sorry I can’t concentrate, I’m out.” Her eyes flicked to the door every so often of the smaller room Negan had led the boy into, who was he? Looking around she saw Sherry sitting beside Amber, gently patting the girl’s knee. At least I might get a night off, she thought and instantly felt guilty. The room fell hushed once more as Negan and the boy emerged from the next room.

“Ladies, make yourselves as beautiful as ever. I expect you in the furnace in ten minutes.” The air in the room became suffocating and Catherine sensed the fear from each woman. She looked at Frankie but the woman shook her head and nodded towards the room they all shared.

“You should go to Dr Carson for this,” Frankie whispered as they all quickly changed. “Have you ever wondered about Dwight’s face?” Catherine winced, she had wondered but she’d never really wanted to find out. She certainly didn’t want to witness anything like it. Dressed in a fitted black dress Catherine quickly sought out Dr Carson, catching him just as he was locking the door to his office.

“This will be unpleasant,” he warned Catherine.

“He ordered us to go anyway,” she shrugged trying to seem as if she wasn’t screaming inside. “I’d rather be useful...it might help to know what’s going to happen though.”

“I suppose you are right,” the man sighed. “You’ve seen the furnace itself, the large room?” Catherine nodded. “Those who cross Negan, normally ones foolish enough to dally with his wives, receive a punishment known as ‘The Iron’.” Catherine’s stomach rolled as she could see where this was going. “A metal iron is placed in the heart of the furnace, once removed…”

“He melts their face?” Dr Carson nodded and Catherine paused while she tried to fight back the urge to throw up.

“Maybe you shouldn’t -”

“He’s making us watch,” Catherine said thickly. “Like I said - I’d rather be useful.” It can’t be any worse than my first operation. She thought wiping sweat from her face. Dr Carson squeezed her shoulder but urged her to pick up speed as they walked. A large crowd had already gathered in the open space. Standing close to the furnace Catherine felt sweat break out across her body, a mixture of fear and heat. On the other side of the furnace she saw Tanya, Sherry and Frankie supporting a terrified looking Amber. Negan frowned as he saw Catherine standing beside Dr Carson but remained silent; had he expected her to remain with the wives?

She could hear Negan’s deep voice rumbling on as he gave a long speech. She could guess the theme; obedience and loyalty. But she didn’t register a word of it. What had happened to this man to make him so twisted? Or had he always been there?

The sound of flesh sizzling was quickly followed by the stench of it burning and Catherine barely managed to swallow her breakfast from earlier back down. She heard Amber screaming but the blood roaring in her ears deafened much of the sound around her. At Dr Carson’s gesture she followed him over to the newly disfigured man and quickly set to work. Thankfully he had passed out and Catherine tried not to stare in open horror at his eye which was almost exposed. She worked quickly trying not to wonder where her sudden squeamishness had come from. She was a surgeon, she shouldn’t be put off by the sight of blood and gore!

Several men carried the man away and Catherine followed Dr Carson back to his office as the rest of the wives trickled away. She accepted the shot of whiskey he poured for her, pulling a face as the fiery liquid worked its way through her veins.

“Has he done that many times?”

“A few. One died from the infection.” Catherine shuddered and began to re-evaluate whether she should return with the scavengers.

***

“Negan’s gone,” Tanya murmured as Catherine rejoined the wives later that evening. “Took the boy back to Alexandria.” Catherine breathed a sigh of relief thankful that it would mean a night out of his bed. Her relief was short-lived when she saw the tense faces from the women in the room. “Sherry took off, and that prisoner Daryl escaped as well. He’s gone...but when he’s back he’ll be pissed.”

“No kidding.” Catherine muttered clamouring in to her bed. She didn’t sleep that night but she could tell neither did the other women. In the furthest corner of the room she could hear Amber sobbing, and several of the women trying to comfort her. Lying on her back Catherine stared up at the ceiling, trying not to remember the past.


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Chapter Twenty**

The atmosphere in the Sanctuary was always one of tension, but since Sherry’s disappearance and Daryl’s escape Catherine had found it unbearable. She hated herself for it but she felt anger and a sense of betrayal towards Sherry. How could the woman have warned her off escaping when she had done it herself? Had she merely been worried that Catherine’s escape would destroy her own chances?

 

“Do you think it wise to be here?” Dr Carson asked as Catherine arrived at his office. She bit her lip nervously, she had thought it would be fine for her to go on as normal. She’d also wanted to be well out of the way when Negan returned.

 

“I don’t care,” she shrugged, “besides surely it’s better for me to be here? I’m clearly not plotting anything if I’m where everyone can see me.” Seemingly unable to find an argument to dispute her logic Dr Carson left her in peace.

 

The morning passed easily enough. Some came in to collect their medication, Catherine checked their points against their requests feeling disheartened as she saw the system Negan had in place. Looking over her shoulder she saw that the door to the room leading to the small makeshift office Dr Carson used was closed Catherine began sorting through the stock. She could see there was no real inventory in place, would it be hard to slip out what people needed? Would he even notice? She was sure Negan wouldn’t.

 

 _Why doesn’t he have a fairer system in place?_ Catherine thought sitting on the edge of the exam table and looking around her surroundings glumly. Most of the medication was kept under lock and key; only Dr Carson, herself and a scant few others seemed to have access. Other than that there seemed to be nothing in place to ensure things didn’t go missing. Drumming her fingers on the countertop she began to work out how she could this to her advantage. Not wanting to be caught sitting idly Catherine pushed herself off the exam table and began cleaning the room.

 

“WHERE IS SHE?” Catherine jumped up whacking her head on a cupboard door. Letting out several unladylike curses she rubbed her head trying to blink away stars. Dr Carson practically tripped from his office as he lurched towards the main door of the exam room, clearly not interested in checking to see if Catherine was ok. Catherine followed Dr Carson out into the corridor to see Negan storming towards them. Her eyes widened as she took in his freshly shaven appearance. “What are you doing here.” He growled and Catherine glanced at the tight grip he had on Lucille.

 

“Working.” She fought to keep her voice calm. “Thanks to you we have a patient.”

 

“I am not in the mood for games. Get back to the others.” Catherine quickly obeyed, hanging her white coat on the back of a door before quickly bolting back to his harem. She shucked her clothes on to the floor before quickly folding them and adding them to the wash pile. She was visibly shaking as she sat beside Frankie and a quick glance around the room told her the other women were just as frightened. Only Amber was missing; she lay in bed in a drunken stupor.

 

“He thinks someone helped Sherry escape.” Frankie whispered. “Did you know she was planning something?”

 

“No...I mostly talk to you and Tanya. She...she advised me against thinking of running away once. I thought she’d be the last person to try it.”

 

“This isn't the first time she’s run.” Laura, a dark-skinned raven-haired beauty, perched on the arm of the settee that Catherine and Frankie sat on. Catherine tried not to stare enviously at the buxom woman’s curves, glancing down at her own curves. She’d never felt insecure about herself before. Until she had to sit in lingerie all day. Now her faults glared at her. “Her sister was a wife when they first arrived. Sherry, Dwight and her sister Tina - they all came here together. But Tina needed insulin and the only way she could afford it was to be a wife. After they stole some the three fled, Tina died and both Dwight and Sherry were brought back. She became a wife to protect Dwight but he still had to be punished.” Catherine’s fingernails bit in to her palms as Laura relayed the story. She knew all the women had their reasons for being wives, but it was a lie when Negan said they were free to go. Amber was drinking herself into an oblivion too scared of the alternative while others like Tina needed the position to stay alive.

 

 _This isn't right!_ She screamed to herself. _You need to flee tomorrow._ But she knew she couldn't; not so soon after Sherry. Surely now Negan would have the scavengers keeping a closer eye on her?

 

“I don't understand if she's run before why would she try it again?”

 

“She didn't go with Dwight this time...maybe she thinks her chances are better alone?”

 

“Let’s get this straight now!” Negan burst into the room with Simon close behind. The door closed with an ominous thud. Laura slipped from the arm of the settee so she could inch closer to Catherine. Frightened Catherine gripped Laura’s and Frankie’s hands, surprised when they returned her grip just as tightly. “There are no chances outside of the Sanctuary; outside of this room! Your best chances of survival are _here_ where _I_ can protect you.” Pausing Negan glanced around the room, taking in the sight of each of the women before him. “You,” he pointed the barbed weapon at Frankie. “You,” he swung it to Tanya, “and... _Amber_.” His bat shifted around the room.

 

“She - she’s sleeping.” Catherine mumbled.

 

“Frankie, Tanya go and wake her up. We have a new resident, I think you three would be best...suited...to helping him adjust.” Frankie pulled her hand free from Catherine’s grip and followed Tanya into the next room, their shoulders slightly slumped. “Ladies, I am tired of your _shit_ . _All_ of you know you are free to leave at any time - I don’t want anyone here who doesn’t want to be. Goddamn it I’m not a rapist.” Catherine closed her eyes to stop herself from rolling them. “I am giving each and everyone of you the chance to walk out that door now and join the community. I can find you work, you can earn points just as everyone else does.”

 

Catherine sneaked a glance at the other women wondering how many were itching to just get up and walk out right now. Had any of his wives ever returned back to living with the remaining Saviours? Would it be as bad as they feared, or was it fear of the unknown that made them all stay? Frankie and Tanya emerged from the large room they all shared, dressed in tight-fitting clothes and supporting a red-eyed Amber between them. Negan’s eyes narrowed but he didn’t comment on Amber’s bedraggled appearance. At Negan’s gesture the trio followed him out, the door thudding ominously shut behind them.

 

Leaping to her feet Catherine moved quickly and changed into the loosest pair of trousers and tshirt she could find. None of the women stopped her as she left the room but a few cast her suspicious glances.

 

“ _Where_ the shit do you think you’re going?” Negan’s voice echoed through the corridor as she walked along.

 

“You said I could go out with the scavengers today - to get medical supplies.” She didn’t need to feign the confused innocence as she turned to stare up at Negan.

 

“Not a chance sweetheart, do you think I’m that fucking stupid?”

 

“If you think I’m going to try anything when surrounded by your people then yes.” Catherine said sarcastically crossing her arms over her chest. Fleeing had been all she could think about but she knew now how foolish that would be. How long would she have to wait to gain enough of Negan’s trust to lull him into a false sense of security? _What happens if when this outbreak is over and I’m still here?_ Pushing the ever-present thought to the back of her mind Catherine focused her attention back on Negan. “Please Negan...I think Amber could use something. I - I thought if I found some for her...you wouldn’t mind if I kept it back just for her.”

 

“And let her OD?”

 

“Of course not! I’d keep them back for her. Surely you can see she’s spiralling out of control, she’s turning to drink more and I don’t think we have enough equipment to treat for her impending liver failure.” Negan’s jaw clenched as he seemed to think this over.

 

“You know what...I might just come with you.” Catherine smiled but felt her palms go instantly sweaty. How was she going to find birth control if he was breathing down her neck? _Relax,_ she told herself. _He won’t know what it is, it’s not like he can look it up._ She would just have to pray that Dr Carson didn’t turn her in if Negan asked what she’d picked up. “Why don’t you and me have a little drive together?”

 

“Can I drive?” Catherine smiled.

***

It felt good to be driving again, to do something so normal and almost mundane. She struggled a few times with the stick drive of Negan’s car, but eventually she got the hang of it and the two of them weren’t sent shuttling forward each time she had to change gear.

 

“You ain’t never driven stick before?”

 

“Nope,” Catherine replied opening the window of the car. She wanted to go faster, to put her foot to the ground, but she was in the middle of a convoy. She wasn’t even thinking about escaping, especially with Negan beside her, she just wanted to go faster. “How far are we going?”

 

“Couple of miles.” Negan’s hand rested on Catherine’s knee, his grip tightening possessively as it crept up her thigh.

 

“We’ve already established I can’t handle a stick,” Catherine said trying to push his hand off. She blushed as Negan arched an eyebrow at the innuendo. “Please, not while I’m driving?”

 

“I could take over.” He pointed out but Catherine shook her head.

 

“I’m enjoying doing something relatively normal for a change.” Ignoring that the normality was overshadowed by her driving with her middle-aged husband who had multiple wives, on the way to pick up supplies for the zombie apocalypse. Catherine shivered lightly, how had this become life? How had things gotten to this state? “Do you ever think about what will happen once this is over?” She asked as she stopped the car behind one of the convoy trucks. In front she could see people jumping out and a quick glance in the rearview mirror showed the same. Negan looked as if he was about to answer before someone opened the door for him. Turning the engine off Catherine pocketed the keys and followed the group into what appeared to be an abandoned mall. 

 

“It’s relatively safe. I also have a group check for how many ghouls are out here.” Negan seemed to be trying to reassure Catherine and she wondered if the urge to bolt was evident in her eyes. Swallowing a lump of fear Catherine nodded.

 

“There’s no hospitals nearby? Those would have plenty of supplies.”

 

“There is, but it’s not safe just yet. Don’t disappoint me here and when it’s safe I’ll let you go with them.” Catherine glanced around at the group of scavengers and could see they were eyeing her up as much as she was them. 

 

“I’m going to find the drugstore. They’ll have better supplies then the first aid centre.” Negan caught her arm as she turned to move away. She looked back expecting a lecture but she was surprised to see Negan holding out a scalpel, her scalpel. 

 

“I don’t want you to find yourself needing it. But better safe than sorry.” Catherine took the scalpel with trembling fingers, frightened that this was some sort of tick. With the scalpel Negan handed her a watch and Catherine stared blankly at the face. The time pointed to it being one o’clock. Was that really the time? It felt so mundane to be wondering what time it was. “You have one hour,” Negan said snapping her back to attention. “Be back here within the hour - I don’t want to have to come looking for you.” Catherine nodded and sprinted off wasting no time in entering the mall with the other scavengers. She saw many of them split off in groups, but no one followed her. Was Negan testing her? 

 

She found the drugstore towards the back of the mall, passing several walkers on the way. She was sure the sound of her heart pounding against her ribcage would bring their attention to her but somehow she made it passed them.  _ It’s when they’re in a crowd they’re dangerous, _ she tried to comfort herself. For a split second she wondered about creeping up behind the walker and sticking her scalpel into its skull. She quickly decided against it, what if it made too much noise and threw her off? 

 

The counter to the drugstore was clear and Catherine made her way through the ransacked aisles straight towards it. She bit back a scream as something grabbed her ankle and quickly wrenched it free. Barely half a walker lay on the ground, reaching out to her. Where it’s lower torso had gone Catherine wasn’t sure but she didn’t want to know either. Closing her eyes she quickly plunged the scalpel into the base of the skull and jumped over the motionless corpse. 

 

She rummaged through the draws, quickly finding the birth control. Peering over the counter, Catherine quickly stripped her shirt off and bra, huddling on the floor to keep warm she draw the scalpel across the lining ever so slightly to make a small slit in the cups. She was thankful for the bra’s padding and slipped as many pills as she could inside. Hurriedly she dressed again, hiding more pills wherever she could think to find them. How was she ever going to get these passed Negan? Remembering the excuse she had made she quickly turned and scavenged the shelves for antidepressants, following up with painkillers. 

 

Scolding herself for not bringing a bag Catherine caught sight of a stack of plastic bags. Half of them had crumpled to nothing and the rest seemed to have been chewed by rats, but Catherine managed to salvage one. She threw packs into the bag and turned to jump back over the counter but she paused as she saw several walkers stumbling into the drugstore.

 

_ Shit! _ Catherine knelt behind the counter and held her breath. She could hear the rasping growing louder and she squeezed her eyes tightly shut. Glancing down at the watch she realised her time was almost up. Would Negan come looking for her? Crawling along the floor Catherine slipped under the counter hatch and crawled down an aisle. The sound of the plastic bag rustling made her wince and she hurriedly shoved it down her shirt and into the band of her bra. A glance at the watch told her she was ten minutes late.  _ Well if the walkers don’t kill me I’m pretty sure Negan will.  _ Inching towards the door Catherine could hear the rasping growing louder. She almost let out a cry when she saw there was a small herd of six or seven walkers coming towards the drugstore. 

 

Hurriedly she crawled back but the counter was blocked by several walkers blocking the hatch.  _ This is how I’m going to die, _ Catherine felt her energy drain away as she heard the dragging footsteps entering the drugstore. Was there any point in even trying to fight them? She looked down at the scalpel and silently cursed Negan, he couldn’t have given her something long range like a gun? Standing up carefully so she could see better Catherine glanced around one of the shelves. The walkers moved slowly but several were still blocking the door. Looking around she thought quickly and grabbed a heavy can of protein powder. With all her might she threw it across the drugstore, wincing at the large crashing noise it made. When she saw they were heading towards the sound of the noise Catherine sprinted for the exit. At the top of the escalator she quickly jumped onto the side rail so she could slide down it. Years of cheerleading practice had given her excellent balance, but she was out of practice and not concentrating. Halfway down she slipped off and crashed to the floor with a sickening  _ thunk _ as she landed on her left side. Searing white pain roared through her arm but Catherine tried to ignore it as she climbed to her feet.

 

“She can’t have gone far.” She heard Negan’s voice. “You, come with me - we’ll search the drugstore.”  _ I could let him go looking for me, _ Catherine thought rolling behind a bin and clutching her arm. She couldn’t bring herself to let him walk into a herd of walkers though. Did anyone deserve that?

 

“N - Negan,” she gasped peering out from the bin. “I - I’m here.” She tried to stand up but the pain in her arm was blinding her vision. Her leg was sore but she knew it was only sprained. “T - There’s a herd in the drugstore,” she answered his furious look. “I couldn’t get out on time.” His gaze seemed to soften as he took in the sight of her arm, with her good hand she reached up under her shirt and pulled out the bag of drugs. “Just in case you don’t believe me,” she forced a weak smile. 


	21. Chapter Twenty-one

**Chapter Twenty-one**

Catherine woke up in the back of Negan’s car, surprised to find Negan not at the wheel but holding her up against him and bracing her arm. 

 

“I know you’re the doctor but we think its broken.”

 

“No shit,” Catherine murmured turning and nestling into the crook of his arm. The scent of him, alive and not rotting, was something of a comfort at that moment. Her nose wrinkled as she thought of the putrid stench of the walkers in the drugstore. “I really wasn’t trying to make a run for it. I forgot to keep an eye on the time…” As the car bounced through a pothole she let out a cry of pain.

 

“We had to leave before we could splint your arm. Dr Carson will fix you right up when we get back.” 

 

“Do you have the bag?” Catherine asked struggling to sit up by herself. Negan nodded to the front passenger seat. With her good hand Catherine reached out and grabbed the bag, rummaging through it for the strong painkillers she could find. Gratefully she took the uncapped bottle of water Negan offered her and downed some of the pills. 

 

Catherine was surprised at Negan’s gentleness as he helped her from the car and to Dr Carson’s office. At the back of her mind she was aware she needed to get to Frankie, to give her the pills she had hidden before Negan found them. 

 

“Will you give us a second doc?” Negan held the door open for Dr Carson once Catherine’s arm was set in a sling. Carson nodded nervously, beads of sweat gathering on his forehead as he exited. Catherine looked at him slightly confused, should she be worried? As Negan closed the door Catherine turned her attention back to him. “Do we need to have a little chat about your  _ wifely _ duties?”

 

“No…” Catherine’s voice was hesitant and the pain in her arm began to throb spreading up to her head. She longed to just lie down and sleep. “Negan please, my arm is killing - can you just spit it out?” She watched as Negan stood up and reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a beaten up box of medication.

 

“These were in the bag you were carrying.”

 

“They’re not mine,” Catherine said quickly thinking on her feet. “Did you see what else I had in there? I tried to carry as many types as I could find - who knows when we’ll get a chance to stock up on medication again? Do you even think about stuff like this?” She could see Negan was mulling over her words, debating whether or not to believe her. “Just because you want to start populating the world doesn’t mean everyone here does. What about the workers? They can barely afford essentials as it is, how would they support children?”

 

“I make allowances for families.” Negan growled. 

 

“Just because you want some kind of family doesn’t mean everyone does.” Catherine persisted. “They weren’t for me.”  _ Not those ones at least, _ she added silently. Negan picked them up and looked at them thoughtfully. 

 

“If I find out…”

 

“Stop with the threats,” Catherine snapped. The pain was making her temper short. “Can I please go? I need to lie down.”

 

“Fine.” Negan shoved the packet back into his pocket. “I expect you tonight.”

 

“You’re kidding? With  _ this _ ?” Catherine gestured to her arm in it’s sling and looked at him incredulously. Shaking her head she hopped from the exam table and made her way back to the living quarters with the rest of the wives. She was thankful to see Frankie and Tanya there, although both looked distracted. 

 

“What happened to you?” Tanya was the first to register Catherine’s sling and she told them the story. “Did you -”

 

“Yes,” Catherine cut her off quickly before she could ask about the birth control. “Can you help me dress, before Negan gets here?” Blushing as Frankie and Tanya helped her out of her clothes and into the lingerie that was their uniform she kicked the bra close to her bed with a pointed look. “I won’t be here tonight,” she tried to make the remark flippantly but the sympathetic looks did little to soothe her pounding headache. Exhausted Catherine slipped beneath the covers of her bed and dozed off. It wasn’t until she was just falling asleep that she thought to ask where they had been. 

 

***

 

“How’s your arm sweetheart?” Negan greeted her with a gentle kiss and a welcome glass of red wine which Catherine almost gulped back greedily. 

 

“Sore, and my head isn’t much better.” She had not been able to sleep for long that afternoon, once she had turned onto her left side the pain had woken her up. She’d not been able to fall back asleep. “Is there any news on Sherry?” She asked tentatively as she sat on the edge of his bed.  

 

“Dwight’s looking for her…” Catherine wondered if Dwight would bring her back if he found her, but didn’t voice the thought. Negan sat beside her, his eyes sweeping over her broken arm in concern. “I thought you’d tried to run away.” He said topping up her glass of wine and Catherine saw a shadow cross over his face. Unable to resist the feather mattress she moved under the covers and curled up, ready for sleep.

 

“After I fell...it crossed my mind briefly. I heard you going up to the drugstore. For the briefest moment I thought I could just let you walk into that herd...but the thought of what they’d do. No one deserves that,” she murmured. “You never answered my question earlier; do you ever think about what will happen after this is over?”

 

“What makes you think this will end? Do you really think life will go back to before?” Negan countered and Catherine felt herself suddenly more awake. That was not a thought worth pondering. Was this really the new norm? “You shouldn’t worry about the future sweetheart, you’re safe here.” Catherine tried not to scoff but a dark blanket was tightening its hold on her. She twisted her weighted limbs so she could stare up at Negan. “I wanted to be sure you would sleep,” he kissed her forehead tenderly. 

 

***

 

When Catherine woke up she still felt drowsy but considerably well-rested. She was surprised that her arm hadn’t kept her awake all night, but surprise quickly turned to fear when she thought about what Negan had slipped her.

 

“Don’t worry sweetheart, Dr Carson assured me it wouldn’t harm you or mix with the painkillers you’d taken in the car.” Negan seemed to read her mind as she began stirred awake. 

 

“Still...I’m not feeling too good,” Catherine murmured sitting up and feeling her stomach roll. She fought back the urge to throw up, knowing Negan would not be happy if she puked all over his bed. She didn’t relish the thought of throwing up when she realised she’d not eaten since breakfast the previous day. 

 

“Come here,” Negan gently pulled her back and rubbed his hand in gentle circular motions across her belly. The movement was oddly comforting and Catherine’s head lulled to the side.

 

“I should get up, I was going to help Dr Carson today.”

 

“No, stay here and rest.” Negan insisted but she shook her head.

 

“I want to keep busy, it’ll help keep my mind off my arm hurting.” She put up no argument as Negan wrapped her broken arm in plastic to keep the splint dry before helping her to shower. She leant against him for support, letting Negan wash her gently. He was so gentle it was easy to forget his cruel side and Catherine buried her face into his chest, enjoying the close comfort of human contact. “Would you ever leave this?” She murmured, her good hand teasing a small patch of chest hair.

 

“The Saviours?” Negan tilted her head up, a distant look in his eyes. “You should have seen this group before I got here. And what would happen to them if I just upped and left? Would you rather Simon took charge?” Turning the water off Negan reached for a towel and began gently patting her dry, teasing her by paying attention to the sensitive areas of her body. Catherine let out a small moan and rested her back against the tiled wall. “Do you want to leave?”

 

“God no,” Catherine gasped lost in a wave of ecstasy and not registering his question.

 

When she was finally dried and dressed in a fitted black dress Catherine made her way to Dr Carson’s office. Being left handed she couldn’t even make notes, but he at least didn’t ask her to go away. 

 

“We’ve been summoned Doc,” Catherine almost dropped the bottle she had been putting away when Simon’s voice cut through the silence. She looked over her shoulder to see Simon standing with several other Saviours in the door. “And you. Negan’s got an announcement to make.” Exchanging a nervous look with Dr Carson, Catherine followed the group from the office. She tried not to think what the announcement could be, had Sherry been found? Was she safe? Her stomach knotted at the thought of the punishment Negan might dish out to her. She had heard how Sherry had fled once before, but she’d not been a wife then. What did Negan do to escaped wives?

 

All morning she had been feeling sick, several times she had even thrown up, and as she realised they were walking towards the room with the open furnace her stomach revolted once more.

 

“Oh no you don’t,” Simon grasped her upper arm practically dragging her by his side. “Negan wants  _ everyone _ for this. I’m surprised he’s even let you outside of his harem.”

 

“Maybe he trusts me,” Catherine spat trying to wrench her arm free. Simon let her go, only to instantly grab her broken arm. Catherine let out a scream of pain and dropped to her knees. 

 

“I’m so sorry,” Simon’s voice dripped with sarcasm but he helped Catherine to her feet with a frightening side of gentleness. “I forgot, your arm…” Catherine glared at him, she had never forgotten the merciless beating he’d given her on her arrival. She could tell Simon was remembering that time, a cruel glimmer in his eyes. “Perhaps you should show me the respect I deserve,” Simon murmured in her ear. 

 

Once they reached the furnace room Catherine quickly joined the wives, putting as much distance between herself and Simon as she safely could. Standing at the end of the line of wives she looked down to see Tanya, Frankie and Amber standing close together. She thought about moving closer to them but a thick silenced descended on the room and she turned to see Negan strutting around.

 

“ _ You _ are going to want to pay close attention to this.” Negan pointed with Lucille. Catherine followed the direction of Lucille to see a terrified looking plump man with a dark mullet. She felt pity for him, he looked terrified. Was he new? Thoughts of the newcomer were forgotten as Lucille was suddenly sent crashing into Dr Carson’s side. Catherine let out a small scream and moved forwards but someone yanked her back. She glared up at Simon, she’d not even seen him move towards the group of wives huddled together.

 

“You ain’t gonna want to interrupt this. Not unless you want to take some of the blame too.” Simon growled in her ear.

 

“You left the door open and let my  _ puppy _ out. You knew Sherry hated Daryl being here, so you let him out for her. Be the hero. Then you could move in...that is some weaselly shit right there.”

 

“But I didn’t. She’s the one -”

 

“Oh  _ she’s _ the one who ran? Because she knew I would blame her! Which I  _ did _ ! But see, Sherry told Dwighty boy the whole story. Right before she was torn apart.” A collective moan ran along the line of wives and Catherine felt her knees buckling. Sherry was dead? Tears stung her eyes and she bit back a sob. Sherry had stopped her from fleeing, had she saved her from that fate? “A super hot girl, horrifically killed because of your greedy, delusional and tiny little prick.”

 

“It’s not true.” Dr Carson moaned and Catherine opened her mouth to defend him. Simon quickly poked her bad arm, her protests forgotten by the searing pain.

 

“Don’t. Interrupt.” He growled in her ear.

 

“I would never do that.”

 

“Why? Why? Why would he do that?” Negan’s temper was clearly rising and Catherine watched Lucille waiting for the inevitable. She suddenly couldn’t clear her mind of the gunk-soaked Lucille the morning Negan had returned not too long ago. “Why would he intentionally try to hurt you? Sherry’s gone - and if he’s lying and she’s out here I will find her. And then I will burn the other side of his face off until he dies. So what was he gonna get out of this? No. You see, I  _ know _ my Dwighty boy. See all he needed was one more night in the hole, get his head screwed on straight. It worked before, and it worked now. Ain’t that right Dwight?” Stepping towards the fire Negan pulled on a thick heat-proof glove and reached into the fire for the metal iron. Catherine realised what was coming and tried to turn her face but Simon held her chin, forcing her to look.

 

“PLease, please, please! Oh Jesus, don’t burn me!” Dr Carson’s cries were pitiful and tears stung Catherine’s eyes. Neither of them had seen this coming, they’d come without any medical supplies.

 

“Now you know I hate this shit.” Negan held the iron close to Dr Carson’s face, so close that Catherine wondered why she couldn’t smell the burning flesh and hear the searing hiss of the iron coming into contact with skin. “Just ell me you did it and that you’re sorry, and I don’t have to do this.”

 

“Yes!” Dr Carson sobbed, “Yes. I did it - all of it. S - sorry. I’m so sorry.”

 

“But he didn’t!” Catherine tried to cry out but her voice caught in her throat. Could she even fully protest Dr Carson’s innocence? She wasn’t with him all of the time, who was to say that he hadn’t let this Daryl escape? 

 

“Please, I’m sorry!” There was a soft thud as the iron was set back down and Simon readjusted his grip on Catherine as she sagged in relief.

 

“That’s all you had to say,” Negan was all smiles once more. “That is  _ all _ you had to say.” An agonised scream wrenched through the room. Everything happened so quickly it took Catherine a moment to realise that Dr Carson was no longer standing, but that he was now half-in the furnace with Negan holding him.

 

“ _ No _ !” She screamed fighting against Simon, ignoring the agonising pain of her left arm. To her left she saw Frankie cradling Amber and Tanya walking away in disgust. Simon pushed her to the ground as he walked to join Negan and Dwight. The screams ceased as quickly as they had started.

 

“Let this be a reminder to _all_ of you,” Negan’s voice rang out through the room clearly. “ _No_ _one_ is to touch my wives without my permission!” His eyes rested on each of the women in line, all of them refusing to meet his gaze. Weakly Catherine climbed to her feet, following the exit Tanya had made. She suddenly envied Sherry. Her death may have been gruesome...but at least she was free from all this.

  
  
  
  
  



	22. Chapter Twenty-two

**Chapter Twenty-two**

Unsure of where to go Catherine returned to Dr Carson’s office. She stared helplessly around the room, had it been less than an hour ago they had both left here for Negan’s announcement? Dr Carson’s coffee was still on the countertop, half-drunk and stone cold. She thought of his body, just lying in the furnace. Who would remove it? What would happen with him now? 

 

Slumping in a chair she didn’t realise she was crying until she tasted salt. Quickly she wiped her eyes. She had liked the doctor, he had been kind to her. A mentor. What would happen now? The sanctuary had no doctor, she was just an intern.  _ What will he do to me if he finds out I’ve given the other wives birth control? _ The thought gave her a fresh wave of nausea and Catherine lurched to the sink where she quickly threw up.

 

“Aw shit Sweetheart,” Negan’s familiar drawl might her flinch and she quickly straightened up. Grabbing a paper towel she wiped her mouth and ran the tap before turning to face Negan. Beside him was another man, not the younger one with a mullet but instead a man around Negan’s own age. He had kind brown eyes with soft brown hair. “Catherine this is Dr Carson. He’ll be taking over for the deceased Dr Carson.” There was a flicker of grief in the man’s eyes and Catherine shook her head confused.

 

“I - I don’t…”

 

“His  _ brother _ .” Negan emphasised the word as if he spoke to a child who failed to understand their homework. 

 

“That’s...you’re  _ sick _ ,” she hissed at him and flinched backwards as Negan walked towards her. She eyed Lucille apprehensively as he grew closer.

 

“This is the way we do things here Sweetheart,” Negan whispered in her ear. “Now I can’t have these ruffians thinking they can do what they want, that they can take my wives from me. What next? What if they start getting ideas above their stations?” 

 

“You know dictators don’t stay in power, right?” Catherine whispered back, her eyes on the other man as he stood back trying to look as if he wasn’t listening.

 

“This isn’t a dictatorship sweetheart.” Negan kissed her softly, “this is the new world. A new order. I’ll see you tonight.” He patted her cheek affectionately, “be careful what you eat. I don’t want you getting sick.” The door closed behind him and Catherine found herself alone with the second Dr Carson.

 

“I...I’m sorry about your brother.” She said lamely. 

 

“Thank you.” He stood awkwardly in the doorway as if he was unsure if he was welcome or not. 

 

“Dr ”

 

“Harlan, please.”

 

“I’m sorry?” Catherine stared at him genuinely confused.

 

“My name is Harlan. I’m assuming my brother had you call him Dr Carson, but I’m not like him. I assume he’s been training you?” Catherine nodded weakly. “What did you do before all this?”

 

“I was training to be a surgeon. I was an intern when the outbreak happened. In surgery…” She sat down on a stool as her vision darkened, bringing the memory to the front of her mind. “I erm...well I’m sure you’ll hear from the others I’m not very good -”

 

“I can judge that for myself.” Harlan smiled at her, “a lot has happened and this is hardly a situation you have been trained for.” Catherine smiled weakly and fought back a fresh wave of nausea. Standing up she put the kettle on and began talking to Harlan about where he had come from. 

 

The sky outside had grown dark when there was a knock on the door. Catherine jumped to her feet, wincing as she jolted her broken arm. Simon came in, bearing his teeth in a superficious grin. Catherine scowled at him and sat back down.

 

“Your husband awaits you.” He made a flourishing gesture with his arms as if bowing Catherine out. 

 

“Husband?” Harlan raised his eyebrows. “Your barely out of med school -”

 

“Its not a real marriage.” Catherine grumbled standing up and storming past Simon.

 

“Don’t let him hear you say that. He’s in his office.”  _ Office, _ Catherine thought rolling her eyes. 

 

The food smelt delicious and she wondered how Tanya was able to cook such amazing meals with a scarce amount of ingredients. She often wondered where the Sanctuary’s food source was, the ground was rotten to the core. It would be difficult, if not impossible, to yield a harvest. Negan was sitting back in his chair, Lucille propped against the wall. Catherine was surprised to see him looking exhausted.

 

“You killed a man…” She said closing the door softly. “He didn’t do anything - he didn’t deserve -”

 

“Shut up.” Negan growled leaning forwards. “Do you know what this place was before I arrived? Carnage. People were killing just for sport. You think I’m cruel? I brought this place under order. I make it safe. Now use your brain,  _ doctor _ . If I wasn’t in charge who do you think would take my place?” Catherine sat at the opposite end of the table and shivered.

 

“Simon.” She whispered.

 

“Do you think he would treat you as I have? Any of my wives? Any of the workers?” She hated to admit it, but Negan was the better option. “I rule this way as it is effective. The first sign of weakness I show and Simon will kill me.”

 

“So why keep him so close?”

 

“Because at the moment he is content with being second-in-command. He likes the glory, the going out and causing havoc.” Catherine picked up a fork and twirled it in her hands absently. 

 

“You killed a man.” She whispered.

 

“The worlds changed sweetheart. I do what it takes to survive. Now eat your dinner, you’ve been looking pale lately.” 

 

***

 

Catherine lay on her mattress close to Frankie’s, staring at the sleeping red-head. She had managed to convince Negan to leave her be. She had passed Frankie the pills at the first opportunity and although she was desperate to ask where they were hidden she managed to refrain. It was safer not knowing. She could only hope the woman had hidden them somewhere safe.

 

“When is the next scavnge?” Frankie’s eyes were suddenly open and bright in the moonlight. 

 

“I’m not sure,” Catherine yawned turning onto her back. She winced as in the next room Negan gave out a loud roar, beside her Frankie giggled. “I don’t think he’ll let me go next time, not after this.” She lifted her arm with a wince, praying for the day when it would be healed.

 

“We need more...what you got will last, but not for long.” 

 

“I can’t get too much, he found some of what I’d grabbed. I had to say it was for the workers...he’ll search me next time.” It was a fear Catherine had been nervous to voice, but out loud she knew it would happen.

 

“We’ve thought of that...we’ve altered some clothes, you can hide them in the lining.” 

 

“Frankie…”

 

“You can’t let us down Catherine. We need you. Please.” Sighing Catherine turned her back on the other woman, muttering that she needed to sleep. “We all take risks. Don’t forget it was me who hid the last lot.” Fear clutched at Catherine’s stomach with icy tendrils. Was there no one she could trust?


	23. Chapter Twenty-three

**Chapter Twenty-three**

“How long have you been experiencing this vomiting?” Harlan asked Catherine as she emerged from a bathroom. Embarrassed she wiped at her mouth, worried she had missed a spot. “Your pale and drawn.”

 

“I - I’m not sure, a week or so? Maybe longer. I have no idea what day of the week it is, I’ve not been keeping track. Why?”

 

“I’m concerned you’re coming down with something.” Harlan put the kettle on in their office, he insisted on treating her as an equal. “There are no medical exams now,” he’d insisted. “You’re not an intern. You’re a surgeon.” The thought gave her little comfort, what if she froze again? She had thought about telling Harlan about her first surgery but had rejected the thought, frightened he would think differently on her.

 

Harlan was certainly a change from the former Dr Carson. He insisted on people calling him by his first name, he was kind and non-judgemental. Even with the wives. Not once had he seemingly judged Catherine, in fact he seemed the opposite. She almost smiled at their first proper conversation the day after his arrival at the Sanctuary.

 

_“You sleep with a murderer?”_

 

_“You work for your brother’s murderer?” Catherine had snapped back, Harlan had smiled in that instant. A sad smile, which strained the muscles in his face._

 

From that moment the two had been friends.

 

“Have any of his wives left him? But remained here?”

 

“I’ve never asked,” Catherine shrugged. “It’s not too bad to be honest. I can at least still work here, I don’t know if I could still do that.” She didn’t mention that sometimes it wasn’t bad because she liked him. Sometimes. When she wasn’t disgusted by what he did, when he held her. She disgusted herself, hated herself even, but she couldn’t deny she liked lying with him.

 

“Negan dropped by, before you came in this morning. He asked me…” She could tell Harlan was uncomfortable. “He thinks some of the wives are abusing drugs, he wants everyone to take a drug test.”

 

“Including me?” Harlan nodded.

 

“Just...leave your specimen in there. He asked me to take care of it personally.”

 

“In case I fluffed the results?” Catherine smiled, “I wonder what it’s like to have a loving husband who trusts you?” She half-joked. She took a specimen cup from the drawer but left it on the side as someone knocked on the door.

 

***

 

Catherine was sitting on the steps outside. Torrential rain poured down, soaking her to the bone. She was cold, her clothes clung to her in a sopping mass. But she didn’t care. She felt nothing, not even the pain in her arm. She watched as workers in grey sweatsuits hurried to and fro, prodding the walkers and throwing them scraps of rotted meat. A week had gone by since Dr Carson’s execution. She couldn’t think of it as anything else. She stared at a pile of rotted flesh and bone beside a chained walker. She knew what happened to the dead at the Sanctuary now. She shuddered at the memory trying to push it back.

 

“Sweetheart?” She didn’t turn at the sound of Negan’s voice, she kept her eyes fixed on the walkers. Almost all of them were chained and encased in lead, the newcomer having advised it would give them all better protection. “You shouldn’t be out here.”

 

“Why? I’m just sitting here - I’m not going anywhere.”

 

“You’ll catch pneumonia. Dr Carson is good, better than his predecessor, but even he won’t be able to cure that with the scarce resources we have.” It gave her an opening, but Catherine left it. She didn’t care when the next scavenge would be. She just wanted to go home. She wanted her parents. Her childhood bedroom.

 

“Please just go away,” her voice was thick and her throat tight. She knew she was crying but she could only hope Negan wouldn’t notice the tears beneath the rain. “I really just want to be alone. To just sit here...enjoying the rain. I used to love the rain…” She remembered lying in bed listening to it patter against the window, the howling of the wind. It had always comforted her. She would snuggle down beneath her thick blanket, sometimes even turning her electric blanket on to make things extra toastie. Why couldn’t things go back like they used to be?

 

“C’mon,” gently Negan pulled her to her feet, mindful of her arm. “You think you’ll do this much good sitting with it in a wet sling?” Catherine said nothing as she followed him back inside, turning to look longingly back at the rain. They walked past everyone, Negan with his eyes straight ahead and Catherine without seeing anyone. “Wait here,” Negan gently pushed Catherine so she was sitting on the bed.

 

“I’m not in the mood.”

 

“Good, I don’t want you in the mood.”

 

“You’re sick.” Catherine grumbled and curled up into a tight ball. She didn’t care that her clothes were sopping wet or that she was dripping onto Negan’s bed. Strong hands tugged at her and Catherine sat up, not paying attention to what she was doing. “Stop it,” she finally snapped herself into the present when she felt Negan tugging at her dress. She looked around confused as she realised she was in his shower room, it was full of steam but not from the shower. Someone had brought what looked like an old-fashioned metal bath in and it was filled with steaming water.

 

“Surprise. Some of my boys found it a few days ago - I thought this might cheer some of you ladies up.” Catherine looked longingly at the steam and stepped closer to the bath. How long had it been? She’d showered since all of this had begun, but when was the last time she’d had a long soak? When had anyone? She followed Negan’s gesture to a stack of books and magazines on a chair close by. “I wasn’t sure what you like to read; textbooks, trashy novels, knitting magazines.” He winked teasingly and Catherine felt a small smile tug at her lips. “I’ll be checking on you.” Kissing her forehead Negan left her alone to enjoy the bath.

 

She wasted no time in discarding her drenched clothes. The scalding water against her skin was glorious, she tried not to think about how much time it had taken to heat the water. How long it would be before she could enjoy this luxury again. She scrubbed at her skin with a fresh bar of soap and honey scented shampoo with her good hand. Leaning back in the water she let out a small sigh of contentment. The hot water felt glorious against her skin which had been frozen solid from the rain. She hadn’t even noticed she was cold until this moment.

 

True to his word Negan did check on her several times. He left her in peace, that was until he found her half-asleep in the water. He was surprisingly gentle as he towelled her hair dry and slipped her arm back intos sling. Tucking the blanket around Catherine, Negan kissed her softly.

 

“You need to look after yourself better,” he said stroking her arms and resting his hands on her belly.

 

“Why?” Catherine turned onto her side and nuzzled the blanket, the heat from the bath was pulling her into a deep sleep.

 

“You're pregnant Sweetheart.”


	24. Chapter Twenty-four

**Chapter Twenty-four**

“What? How?” Catherine bolted upright almost head-butting Negan.

 

“Do I really need to explain the birds and the bees to you?” Catherine felt as if the world around her was crashing down. It was a strange phrase, one she had only ever read in books. But the reality of it. She felt as if the walls around her were breaking down, burying her under several hundred tonnes of concrete. 

 

“I - I can’t be pregnant,” she whispered looking pleadingly at Negan. “P - Please I’m not ready to have a baby. I can’t bring a child into this world...not with how things are. I’m twenty-five and…” She cut herself off, she didn’t know how old Negan was. She suddenly didn’t want to know the age gap. 

 

“You  _ can _ bring a child into this world - you’ll be a great mother. And you won’t be alone.” 

 

“What are you going to do if you get every wife pregnant? That’s like what - over twenty kids? How will they all survive?”

 

“For now just worry about ours, none of the others have ever fallen pregnant.” Catherine could see that Negan was pondering this thought and she quickly sought a change of subject away from the other wives.

 

“Does anyone know?”

 

“Dr Carson of course.”  _ That was why he had me take a test, _ Catherine scowled at her stupidity. Why had he lied to her though? “I thought it only right you should know before I announced it.”

 

“No. Please don’t.” Catherine rubbed her face and drew her knees up to her chest, hugging them tightly. “I need to know more first, how far along I am...if its healthy. Negan do you even have the equipment to cope with a pregnancy?” She could see he hadn’t thought about this.  _ He’s never had kids before, _ Catherine realised. He’d mentioned his wife, rarely, but children had never been discussed. 

 

“We’ll sort that. It’s early days, you’ve been with me for barely two months.” His face darkened but Catherine shook her head.

 

“It’s yours,” she said bitterly. “And even if it wasn’t that would be none of your business if I had been with someone before coming here. I know your rules - you can sleep around but we can’t. Very chauvinistic. But if I am pregnant I promise it’s yours.” The relaxation from the bath was gone, she felt tense and sick.  _ Morning sickness...I’m late...how did I miss all this? _ She was disgusted with herself, how could she have missed something so simple? She’d been helping the others prevent themselves from falling pregnant, how could she not have thought about this herself? “This can’t be happening,” how could she bring a murderer’s child into the world?

 

“I thought you’d be happy.” She was surprised to see Negan was genuinely hurt by her reaction, but she couldn’t muster the energy to comfort him.

 

“Negan the world has gone to absolute...well frankly shit. The dead walk - they kill us, they  _ eat _ us. How many people have you watched die horrifically? And it’s not just the dead - the living are just as ruthless.” She gestured to Negan. “I don’t want to bring an innocent child into this. What if I can’t protect them?” Tears stung her eyes and she buried her face into Negan’s shoulder as he pulled her close.

 

“I will protect you - don’t I already protect all of you?”

 

“You’re planning a war with several other communities.” Catherine pointed out, “you can’t guarantee anyone’s safety.” 

 

“Get some rest,” Negan helped her to lie back down. “We’ll talk about this in the morning. Dr Carson has asked to see you first thing.”

 

***

 

“We won’t know how far along you are until we can get a scan. You’ve been here such a short time though, when did you two first become intimate?”

 

“Intimate?” Negan scoffed, “C’mon doc. We had sex.”

 

“I was trying to be diplomatic for Catherine’s sake.” Harlan’s tone was sharp and he gestured to Catherine who was sitting on the examination table, thoroughly humiliated. 

 

“I think it was around the second week I was here...so I could barely be a month, maybe six weeks, if that.” She could see Negan was already planning names. “Negan it’s too early, anything could happen. Please don’t get your hopes up.”

 

“If you do  _ anything _ -”

 

“I won’t.” Catherine frowned at him. “Although can I remind you this is  _ my _ body. I’m not going to do anything. But with the circumstances…”

 

“She’s right Negan. Pregnancy in this time is going to be tricky, we’ll have to think of how to get the equipment.”

 

“You have it at the Hilltop?”

 

“We are  _ not _ taking it from another community.” Catherine said firmly. “If they have one that means there must be more out there. Let me go out with the scavengers to a hospital. I’ll know what we need better than them,” she pointed out before Negan could argue.

 

“Fine, but I come with you and this time I  _ stay _ by your side.” Catherine thought back to the last time she had left the Sanctuary. Was it a miracle or a curse that she hadn’t lose the baby there? She nodded knowing there was no way out of it. “We’ll go the day after tomorrow, Doc why don’t you make a list of what else is needed?” Patting Catherine’s knees Negan stood up and left the two alone. Fiddling with the edge of her gown Catherine stared down at her feet unsure of what to say.

 

“Thank you,” Harlan said breaking the silence. Catherine looked up at him confused, unsure of what she had done to deserve the rush of affection in his voice. “The Hilltop is where I was before coming here. There’s a woman there...she’s going to have a difficult pregnancy. Please don’t mention this to Negan, he thinks the woman is dead.”

 

“Of course,” Catherine felt a stab of sympathy for the unknown woman. She was curious as to why Negan thought the woman was dead, and why he should remain thinking this, but she didn’t want to know the truth. She knew she would not like the answer. “What am I going to do?” She asked feeling tears sting her cheeks.

 

“We’ll get you through this.” Harlan handed her a cup of water and squeezed her shoulder tightly. “Don’t forget women have been giving birth since the dawn of time - our equipment is new compared to that. You’ll get through this.” Catheirne forced a smile, but she wasn’t sure if she convinced Harlan that she agreed with him.

 

***

 

Catherine was thankful her arm was still in a sling, she didn’t have to worry about Negan offering her the chance to drive again. The convoy was relatively small; a pick-up truck in front and a van behind them. In her pocket was a list of medication and equipment Harlan had written down. She wondered if she would have the chance to get birth control for the other wives. Frankie had given her a pair of cargo trousers with hidden pockets sewn in, but how would she sneak anything in with Negan by her side? She had not forgotten Frankie’s threat. She had barely spoken to the woman since.

 

“You stay by my side. Do  _ not _ leave my sight.” Negan’s face was tight and she was almost touched that he seemed genuinely concerned for her safety. He had argued with her that morning, shouting that it should be Harlan who went with them. Catherine had to point out that Harlan was a fully-qualified doctor, that the Sanctuary needed him more than her. “Hospitals are dangerous, we’ve been to this one before and the herd was too big. I don’t like going back…”

 

“Maybe they’ll have moved on by now?” Catherine tried to ease his nerves. “I promise I’ll stick with you this time. But we do need this equipment - not just for me but for the others. What about the other residents of the Sanctuary? Don’t you think this would show you care about their wellbeing.” 

 

“We’re already going, you can stop now.” Negan growled and Catherine decided to sit in silence. She watched the scenery as the car drove past, shades orange and yellow blurring together. She had no idea what month it was, but with the colour of leaves that were left and the drop in temperature she knew winter was almost upon them.  _ This time next year... _ She cut herself off from the thought. She might not have a baby. It was early days, and a dangerous time. She wasn’t sure if she felt any differently. The previous night Negan had wrapped his arms around her, but he’d not made any other moves. His fingers had traced patterns on her belly, even after he’d fallen asleep. With her eyes closed Catherine had been able to imagine that she was in a genuine marriage. A happy marriage with a man she loved. Not a tyran she feared three-quarters of the time.

 

The scenery changed as they joined a highway. Several lanes were filled with stationary cars, skeletons lying with their mouths open. They sped past several walkers, but so far no sign of herds. Catherine’s palms grew sweaty and her stomach knotted. This was a stupid idea. But they did need equipment. 

 

As they parked in a hospital car park four others emerged from the pick-up and van. Catherine recognised Laura; a woman with dirty blonde hair and a tattooed neck. She recognised two men but didn’t know their names, the third she saw was the nervous new-comer with a mullet. He stood close to Laura, visibly shaking as his eyes shifted from side to side.

 

“Eugene my man! So glad you could join us.” Negan smiled widely and clapped the man on the shoulders, harder than neccessary Catherine noted.

 

“Laura informed me you were coming to a hospital. Other than medical supplies there is a variety of useful equipment and chemicals on site. I came to be of assistance.”  _ You’re not here willingly, _ Catherine wanted to say. It was clear he’d been forced out but she held her tongue. Why make him feel worse? She met Laura’s eyes but neither woman smiled at the other. 

 

“I’m surprised you’re out after last time.”

 

“Laura play nicely.” Laura scowled but fell silent. “We stick together. You all do. As. I. Say.” Negan emphasised every word with a small swing of Lucille, Catherine could see Eugene paling and beginning to sweat visibly. “We get as much as we can carry back out here. It’s going to be a long day folks.”

 

As they entered the hospital Catherine realised Negan was right. It would be a slow job to find what they needed and take it back to the vehicles one by one. Eugene’s whimpering set Catherine’s nerves further on edge, he would surely draw attention to them. Laura hissed at him to shut up, but that only frightened him further.

 

“Not that way,” Catherine said softly as Eugene turned to the left. She pointed to the sign that indicated the morgue. “What if there are walkers?”

 

“The morgue will have all kinds of useful chemicals - formaldehyde and methanol for example. Preservative chemicals.” She hated that he was right and the group made their way to the morgue. It was mercifully empty of the living dead, several corpses and ripped limbs were scattered but they were long dead. If the corpses had the ability to rise they would have done so long ago. It took several trips of filling backpacks and brinigng them back to the vehicles were they were emptied ino the boot of Negan’s car. It had been agreed in advance, large equipment in the pick-up and van, smaller items in Negan’s car.

 

As they journeyed through the hospital Catherine relaxed. It wasn’t clear of walkers, but the number they encountered Negan, Laura and the two other men had taken out easily. Maybe it would be safe to return here in the future for supplies. As they worked each of them thought of items to bring back, Catherine taking all of the blankets, bedsheets and pillowcases they could find. A few matteresses were put in the van along with pillows.

 

“We’ll come back for this,” Negan said as the van was beginning to fill up. “We need the equipment more.” Catherine nodded but still added more pillows, hospital gowns and even scrubs to Negan’s car. On the floor of the oeprating theatre she took as many of the scalpels, clamps and other smaller equipment that could fit into a bag. Negan agreed to an operating table and monitor, but he would not be persuaded on more. “Your condition is the priority,” he reminded her in a low voice. “Don’t get distracted - if we can be sure this place is clear then we’ll come back. Besides how many operations have we done at a single time?” He was right and she begrudingly agreed.

 

Eventuall they came across the maternity ward. Catherine was sure she could feel Laura eyeing her up, looking for evidence of a bump, but she hoped it was just her imagination. She was surprised at how smoothly it went and didn’t fully relax until they were back in Negan’s car and leaving the hospital. 

 

“I’ll admit I had doubts sweetheart but shit...look at all the loot we got.” Catherine smiled tightly and closed her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Neausea,” she whispered waving her hands to indicate Negan should keep driving. “I don’t know how long it’ll go on for.”

 

“We’ll get the equipment set up, tomorrow we can test it out.” Catherine nodded. They’d not tested the equipment, there had been no time. No walkers had shown up but no one had wanted the risk. Her head lolled against the window of the car, the rumbling motion was soothing and Catherine felt herself drift into a light sleep.


End file.
